That awkward moment when people start stuff on your Facebook status and you just don't want to get involved. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We all love the kid who entertains the class by disrespecting the teacher but somehow NEVER gets in trouble. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In preschool, I would plan out my show-and-tell every week to be funny and exciting. — Maxim Knight Copy Share Image
Would you have a friend who talks to you the way you talk to yourself? — Callie Khouri Copy Share Image
I never cheat in life. I only make my own rules because cheaters never win in life — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
Its useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk, or running for office. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've got such effeminate hands. I could never be strong. Whenever I even got to a save, my fingers would just bend… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
I never understand when people say, 'Do you do comedy or tragedy?' I don't think they're very much different. They both have… — Mike Nichols Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing because you look at the careers of other filmmakers, and you see them sort of slow down, and… — Joel Coen Copy Share Image
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too… — Anais Nin Copy Share Image
Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The door to the situation room door opened, drawing her attention to a tall, lean man with eyes as sharp as razors.… — Cindy Gerard Copy Share Image
Honey, put down that razor. Forget what negative things were said to you. Only remember positive things. FORCE those thoughts of suicidecompletely… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
KISSING, An action that only marriage can transform from a pleasure to a duty — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be the first. It didn't matter where you start counting from. — Pranav Copy Share Image
But it's funny how the memory works and how sometimes we just belive whatever we want. — Chris Bohjalian Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
Being so pale, your mom has to make you wear blush someday's ._. Cause otherwise you'd look like a ghost…lol — Rachel Copy Share Image
Out of a hundred years a few minutes were made that stayed with me, not a hundred years. — Antonio Porchia Copy Share Image
Cabaret is a great format. All you have to do is sing and be funny sporadically. — Julie Klausner Copy Share Image
If you can't pay for a thing, don't buy it. If you can't get paid for it, don't sell it. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos? — Ron Alderson Copy Share Image
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
There are more 'Don'ts' in golf than there are in any other avocation in life. — Arnold Haultain Copy Share Image
Yo can’t reason someone out of something he didn’t reason himself into. — Jonathan Raymond Copy Share Image
Maydens, be they never so foolyshe, yet beeing fayre they are commonly fortunate. — John Lyly Copy Share Image
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Has it ever occurred to you that you can only love when you are alone? — Anthony de Mello Copy Share Image
Laughter is the best medicine... but if you laugh for no reason, you need a medicine... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
