Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace. — Brian Vaszily Copy Share Image
If in the after life there is not music, we will have to import it. — Domenico Cieri Copy Share Image
Hey that's not fair! - A dumb bitch realizing she got bad directions to the fair. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You live your comedic life close to the edge, you're gonna cross the line and offend people. — Charlie Day Copy Share Image
There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality,… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
Speramus Meliora; Resurget Cineribus: We hope for better things; it shall rise from the ashes. — Charlie LeDuff Copy Share Image
“Don't be so damned patronizing. Your performance so far has been a little less than dazzling." "I didn't mean no harm," I… — Dashiell Hammett Copy Share Image
School uses a lot of paper, paper comes from trees, trees give us oxygen, we need oxygen to live. Oh, cool. Teachers… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you imagine yourself to be someone who is very uncomfortable in their own skin, then it does funny things to your… — Rebecca Hall Copy Share Image
“Her eyes went so wide they nearly bulged. It was probably wrong of me to find that amusing. Or to want to… — Alyxandra Harvey Copy Share Image
God is Good, Great, so many things to us. It could of been a coincidence but my prayer did come true, I… — CJ Copy Share Image
The only time you lose at something is when you don't learn from that experience. — Chuck Norris Copy Share Image
If you're not going to give a smile, you can not, some lukewarm, if it is not possible to hear a joke!… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“I know you're frustrated, Sam, but the reality is you're in a world now where the majority of the people you run… — Lish McBride Copy Share Image
“What? What's so funny? Some idiot tried to put a stake through your heart, and he didn't even hit the darn thing!"… — Christine Feehan Copy Share Image
When I die I want someone to continue uploading my quotes, just to freak people out :) — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
If you’re not accountable in life that means ultimately that your life doesn’t count. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing when you finally have an excuse to get all of your favorite people from all corners of the… — Brooke Baldwin Copy Share Image
Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration… — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
What's funny about me is that when I try and relax, and my body is in a fatigued or - you know,… — Bryson DeChambeau Copy Share Image
You're only half the man that I am, and I have half the brain that you do. — Sid Vicious Copy Share Image
Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns?… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
It's funny. I did give birth to an alien on 'The X-Files.' And it's just the teaser, so I'm dead before we… — Megan Follows Copy Share Image
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Some people are just like some schools during summer, they have, NO CLASS. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure that the horror/zombie film '28 Days Later' was actually written by a law student in reference to a JNOV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tell her she's 'beautiful' instead of 'hot.' She's a person, not a temperature — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
