Funny Quotes · Page 86

I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny.

— Rupert Grint

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

— Phyllis Diller

I do to others what they do to me, only worse.

— Jimmy Hoffa

Acupuncture : . . . a jab well done.

— Nikhil Saluja

I live to ride, and ride to live.

— Ryan Sheckler

You change the rules or you are going under.

— Caroline Myss

And who knows which is which and who is who

— Roger Waters

God does not 'love' us without liking us...

— Dallas Willard

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling cakes.

— Jimmy Perry

Have you ever had one of those days, when you're holding a stick and everybody looks like a pinnate?

— Rick Sutter

Without the breath of real freedom we're getting nowhere fast.

— Sting

I love sprinting, but I hate long-distance running. Isn't that funny?

— Dylan O'Brien

I don't die... He who is merged with the omnipresent is never gone.

— Guru Nanak

It's funny how I was there for you when no one else was and I still ended up being the bad guy...

— Anonymous

You can’t second-guess baseballyou can’t second-guess yourself.

— Mariano Rivera

Too much counterpoint; what is worse, Protestant counterpoint.

— Thomas Beecham

Anytime you go to see a band with a guitar player, there's always a fear of guitar overkill! That's a funny question.…

— Joe Satriani

“It wasn't love at first sight. They ran into each other one morning in a sunny clearing in the forest. A few…

— Glen Duncan

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are…

— George Mikes

'I, Malvolio' is a very, very funny show, a clown show, but there is Beckettian darkness in the character. Some real darkness,…

— Tim Crouch

Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other…

— Joan Rivers

“Marla said, "This isn't like when guys sit backward on the toilet and pretend it's a motorcycle. This is a genuine accident.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

5 lies that girls tell : 1) I'm fine. 2) I'm not jealous. 3) I'm over him. 4) Sure we can be friends. 5) It's okay...!

— Ritu Ghatourey

What's difficult to do in books for children is to create funny incidents. Funny images, funny language and any kind of taboo-breaking…

— Michael Rosen

Communication is the universal solvent.

— L. Ron Hubbard

Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!

— Jerry Coleman

I'm not fat. My stomach is just in 3D.

— Anonymous

The idol is the measure of the worshipper.

— James Russell Lowell

Do what you like and do it honestly.

— Tom DeLonge

Laughter ispleasant, butthe exertion istoomuchfor me.

— Thomas Love Peacock

The universal subjugator, the commonplace.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.

— George Will

The primary reward of the gospel - God himself

— David Platt

You niggas so-so like a seamstress.

— Wale

He who has suffered you to impose on him knows you.

— William Blake

It was just wet, not stinky?

— Jim Parsons

It's hard to go back and be constantly funny.

— John Belushi

Asking your parents AFTER you've already made plans

— Anonymous

I aim to be a competitive nation.

— George W. Bush

Choose to be a love-finder rather than a faultfinder.

— Gerald Jampolsky