Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too. — Jimmy Durante Copy Share Image
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good girls wear high heels to work Bad girls wear high heels to bed Naughty girls make you wear high heels — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full… — S.C. Stephens Copy Share Image
It's funny, we appear as robots from another world, but what we do, what the robots create, is really human after all. — Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo Copy Share Image
People were stopping me on the street to say, 'Oh my God, it's Crazy Eyes!' Which is kind of a funny thing… — Uzo Aduba Copy Share Image
“I didn't want to prejudge but based on the company he kept, the glistening of his suit, and the poser-like swagger, I… — Harlan Coben Copy Share Image
“Things stop being funny if you have to explain them to people, especially if they need excellent attention spans.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
80 saal ka Buddha rape case me jail gaya. Dost:- Tune is umar me ye kiya kaise? Buddhha:- Koi rape nahi kiya.… — Sadie Copy Share Image
Those Penis enlargement pills you have been taking must be working. You are a bigger Dick today than you were last week. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A good putter is a match for anyone. A bad putter is a match for no one. — Harvey Penick Copy Share Image
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Good laws lead to the making of better ones; bad ones bring about worse. — Jean-Jacques Rousseau Copy Share Image
I love going on dates. They're like social experiments and it's an excuse to get dressed up. Even if you don't get… — Georgia Toffolo Copy Share Image
“Glad to see word reached you. I forgot my phone and somehow throwing pebbles at random windows seemed like a losing strategy."… — Emily Lloyd-Jones Copy Share Image
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Yeah, I was thinking about taking one of those showers where you huddle in the corner fully clothed and cry," Archer offered.” — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
The only principle I can see in this life, is that one must forfeit the less for the greater. — D. H. Lawrence Copy Share Image
Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
There are reproaches which praise, and praises which defame. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
I knew everything a woman hated even before I remotely knew anything a woman liked. — Nick Zano Copy Share Image
Happy Rosh Hashanah to a Jew who knows more about the iPhone 5 than about Rosh Hashanah. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The most absurd thing of the whole affair was that we were never engaged. He just started showing up Sunday after Sunday… — Astrid Yrigollen Copy Share Image
I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny -… — Izabel Goulart Copy Share Image
