Wanna hear a joke about your girlfriend's p*ssy? Nevermind, you'll never get it... — Me Copy Share Image
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were having a swan. You get more stuffing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I am a big fan of Jeremy Clarkson and I love watching him on TV and reading his various columns. I think… — Julia Hartley-Brewer Copy Share Image
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think the English are bipolar. 'We're the greatest, no we're terrible' - that's a constant English struggle. Crime is down, there's… — Dara O Briain Copy Share Image
Whatsapp would be a disaster if its ''last seen at'' is changed to ''last seen with — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“I roofied you because I wanted you naked .... and afraid, " Tyler says again in a sinister voice” — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Women, you may as well go for the younger man -- they never mature anyway! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A real relationship has: fights, trust, faith, tears, pain, arguement, patience, secrets, jealousy, and love.Â¥ — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That's what's interesting about people. It can be funny, but when [John] Travolta got there and did [comic moments] you're like, "Oh!… — Ti West Copy Share Image
A joke is just a paintbrush. It takes someone funny to paint something beautiful. — Andrew Schulz Copy Share Image
“The thing Tedros liked about girls is that they always started the conversation. Most of the time, his job was just to… — Soman Chainani Copy Share Image
My husband is so gregarious and open and funny and such a people person. — Jeremiah Brent Copy Share Image
To God all things are fair and good and right, but men hold some things wrong and some right. — Heraclitus Copy Share Image
No matter how hard you work to bring yourself up, there's someone out there working just as hard, to put you down...... — Dr. Dre Copy Share Image
Those which we call necessary institutions are simply no more than institutions to which we have become accustomed. — Alexis de Tocqueville Copy Share Image
10 minutes... No text back? Looks like Im going to sleep now. OH NOW YOU DECIDE TOREPLY!? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Learn to share your love with others, but keep part of this love for yourself — Paulo Coelho Copy Share Image
I watched a film called 'Earthlings' years ago and it helped to upset me into veganism, so I thought what I could… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
Boxing's a funny business and sometimes different fights come along at different times. — George Groves Copy Share Image
I was haunted by trainers going "Up, up, up, get up." You find yourself picking your head up and then realizing, They… — Jeff Daniels Copy Share Image
![“That's what's interesting about people. It can be funny, but when [John] Travolta got there and did [comic moments] you're like, "Oh! This is really funny." Or when Karen [Gillan] and Taissa [Farmiga] do something, I'm like, "This came out so much funnier."” quote by Ti West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/426/ti-west-2310_comic_that-s-what-s-interesting-about-people-i_277612.jpg)
