I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. — Roy Bean Copy Share Image
I am often asked how I got into the business. I didn't. The business got into me. — Leo Burnett Copy Share Image
Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 363,847 times, you must be the weather man. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Oh come now," Bast reproached, his smile falling away. "That's just insulting." "By earth and stone, I abjure you!" Kote dipped his… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you have sex with their wives, and then you… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I'll call it a smart phone the day I yell, Where's my freaking phone?! and it answers, I'm here! Under your jacket! - — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
I think that a man with a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man with a helmet defending… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're… — Andrew Shue Copy Share Image
