I won't call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down. It's not getting up. — Ray Rice Copy Share Image
Let's grab lunch with the understanding we'll eat separately at our desks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't be afraid to question. Don't be afraid to get fired. Don't be afraid to be wrong. — Ben Browder Copy Share Image
Wedding dresses are white so the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Seriously, it's 2012. Can we please get some waterproof phones ? I would like to text in the shower. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
“If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all." "Too bad… — Jesse Hajicek Copy Share Image
It's funny how we do nice things for people and nobody ever notice it. But once we make only one mistake, they'll… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: Where is your book? Student: At home. Teacher: What's it doing there? Student: Having more fun than me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
Police : Where Do You Live? Me : With My Parents. Police : Where Do Your Parents Live? Me : With Me.… — Newlove Copy Share Image
