The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
To govern is to correct. If you set an example by being correct, who would dare remain incorrect? — Confucius Copy Share Image
“Sex, Emma thought. It curdled the mind and turned one into a drooling idiot. She had firsthand knowledge.” — Kate Rothwell Copy Share Image
Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
...over the past two days, we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
You do not create a style. You work, and develop yourself; your style is an emanation from your own being. — Katherine Anne Porter Copy Share Image
The funny thing was, with IT, I was never really a tech type of person: I was better with people, good at… — Sheamus Copy Share Image
It's funny: here I am, a guy who plays in one of the world's biggest classic-rock bands, and to tell you the… — Rickey Medlocke Copy Share Image
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: You should've gone during the break Student: I'm sorry I haven't planned out my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you never want to see a man again, say, I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“(on the word "fuck") 'Oh, come on, Mum,' I sighed at her protest. 'It's just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't care about offending people. That just doesn't excite me. There are some comics that love it and they love pushing… — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
