When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One girl is a girl, two girls are half a girl, and three girls are no girl at all. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I just faced the ultimate rejection. I was masturbating and my hand fell asleep. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I accused my friend of being gay yesterday... He was so angry he hit me with his purse! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Love is not what takes you by surprise and leaves you totally breathless! It's called asthma! -NeSha — Nesha Copy Share Image
Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
This may sound funny, but I feel my most beautiful when I'm clean, fresh out of the bath. I don't have to… — Faith Hill Copy Share Image
I have been through tornado warnings before, but this is really scary right now.. There is a siren, and it's really scary. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The eyes of a dog, the expression of a dog, the warmly wagging tail of a dog and the gloriously cold damp… — Barbara Woodhouse Copy Share Image
It's funny: when I go to a school and speak, and when they hear the back story about me, they want to… — Jay Asher Copy Share Image
The book that made me decide to go into Russian literature was 'Anna Karenina,' which I first read in high school. The… — Elif Batuman Copy Share Image
Three high schools. I was funny. I thought I was being funny. I just had an opinion about everything that was said… — Damon Wayans Copy Share Image
Definitely, I think I fulfill a very funny Indian stereotype because I love technology. It's something I've always been interested in. — Manish Dayal Copy Share Image
I'm so upset. one of my all time FAVORITE Bieber pages got hacked. they had over 45k. it's so sad to see… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
