Every dog has it's day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weakend. — June Carter Cash Copy Share Image
When it all comes down to it, life isn't about how much we get - it's about how much we share. — Tyler Perry Copy Share Image
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Over the coun-ter, she might let you mount-her, but in the morning, there’ll be no more whoring, as its off to the… — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
“Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a… — Josh Lanyon Copy Share Image
I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I… — Lydia Lunch Copy Share Image
“They have provided a system which for terse comprehensiveness surpasses Justinian's Pandects and the By-laws of the Chinese Society for the Suppression… — Herman Melville Copy Share Image
The novels I planned to write were never going to be funny books about Jews. They were going to be country house… — Howard Jacobson Copy Share Image
I can't relate to lazy people. We don't speak the same language. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you. — Kobe Bryant Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny for people who didn't care about fashion at all, to just to kind of exist as a… — Ben Stiller Copy Share Image
