“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with her—for between six to eight hours.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I write I am an avocado, and in a team sport setting, I am guacamole. And not to sour cream on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We made a good team, you and I, and I thought we were in love, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You’d never been in an elevator before, and I’d never been in love. I said I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dream nonsense: Character: Hey, how are you? Me: I’m tired. I mean, this is a dream, so I must be, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpist, violinist, bassist,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say eek to Zeke Ekez, the imaginary palindrome politician of my dreams. He looks like me, talks like me, and thinks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were crying, and your tears were so salty I decided to collect your sadness to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My eyes were blurry from being in love, and my feelings were as furry as Bigfoot. I thought I spotted Her, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The moon looked like melted mozzarella to my bleary and blurry vision. Was I tired, intoxicated, or in love? Or was I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a forward thinker with nostalgia. I dream of the past, and daydream of the future.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My headboard has bars, like a jail cell. Sometimes I’ll be asleep and think I’m in prison, and I’ll hear my alarm… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You said you were leaving me, and I said, “When are you coming back?” You said,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dream as a boy was to write a coloring book, but the nagging problem was always, How do you write a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m like a staircase, she was like an elevator, and our relationship never escalated above friendship. I’d like to think we’ll one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You sold canned laughter, and I sold fresh laughter, straight out of my throat. You sold… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a bottle of booze isn’t entirely… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He seemed to swallow the lie I fed him. I hope he’s not still hungry. If he is, I’ll give him the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have aspirations of becoming the first man to put on a chicken suit, cross the road, and then explain my motives… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you circled three words in three books scattered in the Library of Alexandria,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
