“Dream nonsense: Character: Hey, how are you? Me: I’m tired. I mean, this is a dream, so I must be, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I dreamt it in my dream. You tried to steal my dream—the whole thing. But even though it was a dream, it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a dream, in her head means in my head, as I have unrestricted access to her thoughts and the innermost parts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes when I read before bed I get so tired that my eyes gloss over the sentences without actually taking in any… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have aspirations of becoming the first man to put on a chicken suit, cross the road, and then explain my motives… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were sitting in a dentist’s chair, and I was cleaning your teeth. You wondered if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say eek to Zeke Ekez, the imaginary palindrome politician of my dreams. He looks like me, talks like me, and thinks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You owned a farm, and you grew teamwork, because yours was an ant farm. I was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were a sunscreen salesperson, and you approached me and said, “Would you like to buy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A female cop in my dream observes a shuffle, and takes note, but doesn’t fully see the bank robbery I have just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. Our relationship faded from red to white, and somewhere in the middle, in the pink zone,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You’d never been in an elevator before, and I’d never been in love. I said I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. Knowing that women like to buy two things above all else, shoes and purses, I combined… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you where you were an economic hero. So is the real life you like the dream you?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It is possible to be in two dreams at once. If I dream about you, and you are asleep at the time,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You said you were leaving me, and I said, “When are you coming back?” You said,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My dreams have wings. But not soaring eagle wings, more like the wings of a butterfly—colorful and easily ripped off. The last… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were playing table tennis, which angered my family because they were trying to enjoy their… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were comparing scars. All of yours were on your body, while all of my scars… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with a spoon. Luckily, moments… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were learning to compose music like Mozart, and I was learning to listen like Beethoven.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
