“At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ducks like balloons. Think about THAT next time your child has a birthday party and you choose to not invite all of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t invite me to my birthday party until the day after it’s happened.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass slippers, and I actually got to ride in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I haven’t had a birthday party in a while, probably because I’m not really into celebrating myself. Especially not for an achievement… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
