Humor Quotes · Page 87

“I don't need every answer. Just the right answer.”

— Garrett McCoy

Never, ever, ever call a lady cop Fatboy.

— Rock Cowles

I actually enjoy comedy; it's a lot of fun.

— Dule Hill

Chris Guest is the godfather of improvisational comedy.

— Tom Bennett

“I already gave you my ass. I guess you can have my hand too.”

— K.A. Mitchell

Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood

— Anonymous

Let's leave it all alone. I'm stupidest when I try to be funny.

— Al Swearengen

When you work crazy TV hours, you got to have a good sense of humor.

— Matt Bomer

“...the day shit is worth money, poor people will be born without an asshole”

— Gabriel García Márquez

“My father laughed it off, saying I was too old not to accept people as they were.”

— André Aciman

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

— Steven Wright

“Finally- no more ruddy show for the folks back home. No pretending it's all beer and skittles and no one ever gets…

— Mercedes Lacky

I've always had fun looking forward, seeing where technology is going, and finding interesting ways of applying that to comedy.

— Tom Green

BBM for Andriod is the new Google+ account. Everyone wanted it. Everyone got it. And no one has any idea what to…

— Tufail Mehraj

I don't tend to watch too many American comedies. I love British comedy.

— Danny McBride

“Who are you?’ Gaia gasped. The girl froze for a moment. Looked at her. Smiled and said, ‘Who am I? I’m the…

— Michael Grant

“Just a month from this day, on the twentieth of September, 1850, I shall be sitting in this chair, in this study,…

— George Eliot

I was influenced by a lot of comedy growing up, I had good parents. They were funny, too. My mom was hilarious;…

— Jermaine Fowler

My final word, before I'm done, Is "Cancer can be rather fun"- Provided one confronts the tumour with a sufficient sense of…

— John B. S. Haldane

“Sebastiano and I arrive, breathless and laughing, on the stone oval of the dance floor. I’m delighted to see that Kelly’s there…

— Lauren Henderson

“These little discoveries about my blood are coming about as hard and fast as a racehorse kicking me in the nuts and…

— S.L.J. Shortt

“The jolly old elf’s nose was red, but not from cold — rather, from the brutality of a dozen boxes of Kleenex.…

— Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

I'd like to think my brand shares some of those characteristics we like to think of as classically American - a certain…

— Michael Bastian

“Amy Curry," I could still hear him intoning, "never end a sentence with a preposition!" Irked that after six years he was…

— Morgan Matson

I think it's really important to have a sense of humor.

— Chelsea Martin

“Boys are universal giver, women remains universal receiver.”

— Santosh Kalwar

“Old age is not just for grown up's”

— Benny Bellamacina

“Oh, man," he mumbled with a full mouth. "At least the food is good.”

— James Dashner

“...the face I wore at work, my death mask.”

— Ottessa Moshfegh

I try to cope with everything through humor.

— Gail Porter

I masturbated over a blind girl yesterday. She never saw me coming.

— Amit Verma

Laughter truly is the best medicine. Aside from marijuana of course.

— Anonymous

“No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears”

— Penelope Fletcher

I want to try something on situational comedy.

— Neena Gupta

“It's only hard until it becomes easy.”

— Anonymous

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

— Bo Burnham

“Jesus. He could see the headlines now. Aliens Among Us. Run!”

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

“You are like a lighthouse in a bog, brilliant but useless.”

— John Corristine

She was such a beautiful and sweet creature... and so full of tricks.

— Queen Victoria

Comedy is what I really want to do and propel.

— Marisa Tomei