My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him… — Roseanne Barr Copy Share Image
“Smells like homeless man's crotch. Not that I've ever been up close and personal with a homeless man's crotch, but...” — Stacey Jay Copy Share Image
I've got a sick sense of humour, a dark sense of humour. I do care about things and care about people but… — Limmy Copy Share Image
You have got to have a good sense of humor, you have got to be tough, and you have got to know… — Frank Vincent Copy Share Image
The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with and ology tacked on the end. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“A knight can fight. As you well know, I fight about as well as a pillow." "That's an insult to pillows. At… — Eli Brown Copy Share Image
“Take care of your car in the garage, and the car will take care of you on the road.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
“Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” — George Will Copy Share Image
“Did you just spit on your hand before you patted down my hair?” he asked indignantly. “Oh, I did no such thing.… — Karen V. Wasylowski Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Activism isn't about holding your faults up to the light. That's what comedy is about, it's about saying, 'Look at this person… — Scott Thompson Copy Share Image
“Anyone with less intestinal fortitude, inhuman or not, would've been curled up on the floor sucking his thumb. I basked in the… — Rob Thurman Copy Share Image
“Crossing the small wooden bridge, just past the rubble, Gabe ducked off to the left and swooped underneath into hiding. Once sure… — Wendy Owens Copy Share Image
Angels have a sense of humor...The angels wants us to enjoy life. Have a good laugh at yourself every now and again… — Margaret Neylon Copy Share Image
“The Count was Prince Humperdink's only confidant. His last name was Rugen, but no one needed to use it - he was… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
“Sometimes you wonder, “How did I get myself into that scene? Why did I take that on?” You know, you couldn’t really… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
It's a dangerous game that comedy plays. Sometimes it tells you the truth; sometimes it delays it. — Elvis Costello Copy Share Image
“I want to be around people whose goals in life are more than early retirement and a new double-wide.” — Max Mitchell Copy Share Image
“Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
“Confession was the emotional equivalent to puking, Riley supposed. Something bad went down, bits of it came back up, you felt better.” — J. Fally Copy Share Image
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
“It’s late and most of the clerks are at home in their beds, dreaming of swimming in pools filled with real money.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
“Why - what the name - began her father. I thought you went out to get the parsley!” — Thomas Hardy Copy Share Image
If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from — Michael O'Donoghue Copy Share Image
“Mom: Your hair is getting long. Who are you trying to be? John Lennon? David: Cher. Mom: Your voice isn't deep enough.” — Dan Skinner Copy Share Image
Apparently in Los Algadones, when they say Massage they don't mean.. a professional Massage... Oh no... we only do massage with happy… — Rose Etheridge Copy Share Image
“...everyone would wonder, 'What's he doing with her?' And then you'd say, 'Hmm, good question,' and you'd dump me. That wouldn't be… — Marni Bates Copy Share Image
Sorry Guys. We haven't time to wrote funny thoughts.reality not a fun.Sometimes later you understand that things but not right now. — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
“And yet still she watched him... he wondered why. One possibility, and by far his favorite, was that she was planning his… — Anne Stuart Copy Share Image
I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
“I'm quite certain that if I lost my sense of humor, it would most definitely need to be replaced by a padded… — Comic Strip Mama Copy Share Image
“I never said it was a rational problem,” Galahad said. “Just one that is yelled at high volume.” — Steve McHugh Copy Share Image
I'm not a robot; I have a personality and I have emotions. I have a humorous side to me and an angry… — Jeff Gordon Copy Share Image
Humility is one of the key aspects of spirituality, and along with comedy, a key component of healing. — Jim Breuer Copy Share Image
How come nobody ever talks about getting the long end of the stick? How can you even tell which end is which? — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear… — Maria Semple Copy Share Image
“I had a dream that I had brown hair…I woke up and ran to the mirror…Phew! I’m still a blonde.” — Starley Ard Copy Share Image
If you're crying a friend will ask you whats wrong a Best friend will go grab a shovel and bury the guy… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Empires rose and fell, and still the speaker droned on in his cicada-like monotony...” — John Green Copy Share Image
“I got over shy a really long time ago. I'm queer, I'm feline, get used to it.” — Andrea Speed Copy Share Image
