“Jamal stared at the dog in his arms. "Why I am I holding a dog full of angels?” — Diana Wynne Jones Copy Share Image
“Who the fuck calls their priest when their son is having a crisis?" "I do, now shut up!" Ma answered.” — Katelin LaMontagne Copy Share Image
“I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money in it.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert” — Josh Stern Copy Share Image
My father is best known for his light comedies, and I'm best known for crazy bad guys with short tempers. — Vincent Cassel Copy Share Image
Two things are not debatable: eroticism, and comedy. If you don't think it's sexy, or funny, there's no way I can change… — Gene Siskel Copy Share Image
There are two things eternal. Human stupidity and the universe. And I'm not even sure about the universe — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
“Celia and I are hoping for a new start in a our thus far tortuous path to Nirvana” — Jaime Olmos Copy Share Image
I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Vincent knew he was dying. A horrendous fever overwhelmed him with intolerable pain throughout many sleepless hours. It came as a result… — Don Luis Zavala Copy Share Image
Practically speaking, a life that is vowed to simplicity, appropriate boldness, good humor, gratitude, unstinting work and play, and lots of walking,… — Gary Snyder Copy Share Image
To me, stand-up comedy is a place where you can say whatever you want. So to not use that space to say… — Simon Amstell Copy Share Image
I've been looking at that in myself lately. Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation,… — Emma Stone Copy Share Image
“When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
“When it was her turn to say good-bye, Aryal said, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Niniane opened and closed her mouth.… — Thea Harrison Copy Share Image
“I could lose myself forever in that dark hair and those sweet love handles.” — Vera Brosgol Copy Share Image
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall… — Brian Andreas Copy Share Image
“ Death by family silver , I thought, before I could turn off that part of my mind.” — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“True love can blossom in unexpected places. This is Jaden pretending not to notice.” — Katie Klein Copy Share Image
What I love about comedy is breaking down the barrier between the audience and the performer. — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' — George Burns Copy Share Image
Life is the only race youll run where you dont know where the finish line is. — Steve Farrar Copy Share Image
“I can see what you’re up to.” “Five foot six inches,” Shallan said. “I suspect that’s all I will ever be up… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I've always felt that in a comedy script the stage directions should also have a comedic value. — Bruce Robinson Copy Share Image
I've avoided doing a network comedy, because I wouldn't get my own way. Even though it would get more viewers, it wouldn't… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“I love that you don’t carry a purse,” I say. “I love that you don’t carry one, either,” she says with a… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
“Gerald's look assured her that he and the others would be as near angels as children could be without ceasing to be… — E. Nesbit Copy Share Image
“Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!” — Courtney Milan Copy Share Image
Comedy and sausages are the two things that if you know how they're made they affect the appetite. — Mike Myers Copy Share Image
One of the great things with comedy is that there's no such thing as a mediocre comedy; it's either uproarious or crap.… — Michael Caine Copy Share Image
“Raymond stood as though someone might have just opened a beach umbrella in his bowels.” — Richard Condon Copy Share Image
“Anticipation tingled in my stomach: the kind of tingle that at first you don’t know if it’s a good tingle or a… — Terry Murphy Copy Share Image
'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!' — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
I think its natural if youre doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure… — Judy Greer Copy Share Image
All that I'm ever after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you. — James Copy Share Image
“As an Odd-Fish, it is not my job to be right,' said Sir Oort. 'It is my job to be wrong in… — James Kennedy Copy Share Image
