“If you keep little decisions small - then big decisions will even be smaller.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You… — Jeff Dunham Copy Share Image
When I go to the movies, I like romance, comedy, and thrillers. I hate gore. — Peter Weller Copy Share Image
I've never belonged to any group that didn't have at least one member who wasn't a total dick. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
“You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That said, it was pretty awkward and a weird thing to shoot. Some women had a sense of humour about it and… — Nicole Holofcener Copy Share Image
There's something very funny about giving a menial task to a genius and watching him find so much complexity and overanalyse it… — Simon Helberg Copy Share Image
“White people love rock climbing almost more than they love camping. This is because the activity affords them the opportunity to be… — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
I don't try to sanction other people's joy in monsters. I mean, I think the fact is, humor, fantasy - you know,… — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
“I let go and dropped on all fours... as quiet as a cat. Actually I landed on a cat. It screeched and… — Anthony Horowitz Copy Share Image
You'd see Asian faces on TV, but it was so rare, especially in the comedy space - that for me was Ken… — Jimmy O. Yang Copy Share Image
“Follow your heart, but take your brain with you!" After buying an armload of funny books filled with clean jokes, one-liners, and… — Susan C. Young Copy Share Image
“101 Reasons Why its great to be a woman : We have three times the amount of potential sick leave. Take into… — Summersdale Publishers Copy Share Image
I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Have you guys ever thought about the fact that socks are like the donut holes of underpants?” — Travis McElroy Copy Share Image
When I first started doing comedy, there was no such thing as a room that had black people and white people in… — Trevor Noah Copy Share Image
“Today-Everyone want to tell their stories but nobody has time to listen others” — Ali Abidi'en Copy Share Image
The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves. — Robert Olen Butler Copy Share Image
I wouldn't mind having another shot at doing comedy, but I'm not sure that's the way I'd want to go. — David Morse Copy Share Image
“Or, rather, you irritate everyone, Curdle. Because you're so unreliable.' 'I'm not always unreliable, Telorast.” — Steven Erikson Copy Share Image
I think there's too many gay jokes in comedy and not enough honest explorations of sexuality. — Chris Gethard Copy Share Image
“Five wild Event Maelstroms swirled in vicious storms of unreason and spewed up a pavement.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
“You're not leaving me behind. Or I'll do a spell to make you smell like ass. Forever.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“There have been daring people in the world who claimed that Fenimore Cooper could write English, but they are all dead now.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My grandpa is the funniest person in the world, straight up. But mostly everyone in my family groans when he is 'on.'… — Phil Elverum Copy Share Image
Did you know? That the ruler was invented by an artist, because the hardest thing to draw is a straight line. — SdotHawkins Copy Share Image
“All pomp and show.” Anjali’s glare at the house would’ve exploded bricks if she’d had superhuman powers. “A fat cow needs a… — Nicola Marsh Copy Share Image
I think comedy is one of the hardest things to do for an actor, I am looking forward to the challenge. — Varun Sandesh Copy Share Image
“I thought about TimeBlaze. We should...shorten the titles. The titles are getting long. More colons than a proctologist.” — D.C. Pierson Copy Share Image
“You're funny, which you can't be if you're not smart. Dad says it's harder to make someone laugh than it is to… — Cath Crowley Copy Share Image
“Your boat's not like to sink, I don't think. Boats only sink when I'm aboard.” — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
I love comedy, but I actually do prefer drama because I am already animated as a human being. — Shanola Hampton Copy Share Image
“i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol” — Fee Scott Copy Share Image
“I see the beginning, I see the end. And in the middle I just hope I don't fall on my ass to… — Shehanne Moore Copy Share Image
