“There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll… — C.C. Alma Copy Share Image
“He'd been raised and trained by Chiron himself, the famous centaur who taught all the best Greek heroes. ( Cough , me, cough .)” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Life is a waste without humor -- living is all about happiness and laughter. — Fauja Singh Copy Share Image
“Hello, Mrs. Tran...I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“That demon will trick you faster than a politician with a liquor license.” — Erik Bundy Copy Share Image
“So the owner of a monster head wants to meet on a path named Nut,” I said. “That’s appropriate.” — Lisa Shearin Copy Share Image
“He couldn't believe it was only Wednesday. And it was made worse when he realized it was actually Tuesday.” — T.J. Klune Copy Share Image
“They climbed up into the carriage and were on their way. Henry caught her bonnet on the doorframe as she was getting… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“The other thing you can do is write a strong personal essay which lets admissions people inside your life, your heart, and… — Eugene Mirman Copy Share Image
“Some mate," Karl Framm said with contempt. "Hell, that little stern-wheeler we're chasin' don't draw nothin'. After a good rain, she could… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
“Her biggest fault - perplexing to this day - is that Mother loves to pick trash. "Its an adventure", she says. "You… — Camron Wright Copy Share Image
It's funny: All my friends back home are always wondering why every television show I'm on is a drama, but all the… — Eric Ladin Copy Share Image
I think a lot of people think that I'm a humorist or comedy songwriter. I will never take offence, but I think… — CMAT Copy Share Image
“You pay for that,” he told Ian as he hopped off the hood. “You pay for that, now.” Ian and Peter ignored… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“And you’re staying with me. I’m looking forward to it. I don’t spend much time with women. I much prefer the company… — Tiffany Reisz Copy Share Image
“Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.” — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.” — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
“My many years of living have not made the actions of teenage boys any less enigmatic.” — Avery Williams Copy Share Image
“You can't be loony and rich. You've got to be eccentric if you're rich.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
If Dante was writing The Divine Comedy in 2013, he might very well have set part of it in the suburbs. — Joshua Mohr Copy Share Image
“If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse.” — Christian Lander Copy Share Image
On radio there's an obligation to be funny or interesting, and ideally both. — Frank Skinner Copy Share Image
It's funny wen a man says dat his wife is 'expecting a baby'. As if she would deliver a turtle...lol — Ritzy Copy Share Image
From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
My whole family was very funny, each in their own way, and you had to be quick to get a word in. — Maureen Lipman Copy Share Image
That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
“There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I have found over the years that the most important way of getting people to relax is self-deprecating humor. — Robert Reich Copy Share Image
A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Luckily, I'm not a gambler or a drinker or - you know, I get my fix of comedy. — Tig Notaro Copy Share Image
Just because someone isn't the definition of Beautiful It doesn't give u the right to call them Ugly — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Laughter broke from them. It spread into a roar of acclamation; for bluff is a weapon dear to every adventurer.” — Rafael Sabatini Copy Share Image
“I'm Mr.Ripped. I live in the gym. My teeth have biceps and my biceps have teeth. I chew up weights and shit… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“Biscuits are rough, potatoes are tough. I pray to God we all get enough.” — Karen Cecil Smith Copy Share Image
I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
“i am like a dead begonia hanging upside down because like a dead begonia I don't give a fuck” — David Levithan Copy Share Image
Someone talented, comfortable in his own skin and with a great sense of humor would be sexy according to me. — Shibani Dandekar Copy Share Image
If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! — Marilyn Ferguson Copy Share Image
