“Listen, do yourself a favor. If you ask someone about something such as, “How are the kids,” make sure you really want… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“I believe I'm done for," said Tom. "The cussed sneaking dog, to leave me to die alone! My poor old mother always… — Harriet Beecher Stowe Copy Share Image
I was one of the people that always got chosen last, and I think I bulked up my comedy bone to make… — Michelle Visage Copy Share Image
A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Whatever I do, when I'm working, I'm very serious. But after, I will play, I am funny. — Sammo Hung Copy Share Image
“Listen, you’re not doing God any favors by praying. You’re doing yourself a favor.” — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
“In fact the bare adjective "bad" hardly scratches the surface of the man's awesome incapacity.” — John Biggins Copy Share Image
A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny. — Chuck Jones Copy Share Image
“Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
The lumpiness of 'The Good Lie's progression - from infancy to adulthood, and from ethnic horror to gentle social comedy to a… — Richard Corliss Copy Share Image
every actor knows that tragedy, being linear and inevitable, is taxing - but comedy, which depends on the element of surprise, is… — Robin Morgan Copy Share Image
When the response to comedy becomes cheering instead of laughing, that is so irritating. It's the worst. Here's what cheering is: "Look… — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
I'm going old school. Adult comedy but you can have your kids in the room. Kind of Andy Griffith meets Bill Cosby… — Henry Cho Copy Share Image
“This is Zach." I said as Daniel shook hands with him. "The youngest is Ryan. The obnoxious one is Brent." "I respect… — Bree Despain Copy Share Image
FSM knows I've poked enough bears with sticks and it seems the older I get, the shorter my stick and the quicker… — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“That said, a fireball like the one hurtling towards us was worthy of the utmost respect. To adopt the jargon of commercial… — Sergei Lukyanenko Copy Share Image
The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“laughter is cathartic and cleansing, that it's good for the body and the soul, and when it's real it's better than sex.” — Patricia Gaffney Copy Share Image
“If you would not be forgotten As soon as you are dead and rotten, Either write things worth reading, Or do things… — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy. — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is… — Jennifer Lopez Copy Share Image
“In the legal respect, after the execution of the supposed incendiaries, the other half of Moscow burned down.” — Leo Tolstoy Copy Share Image
“My elderly mother's favorite drink is "Johnnie." She's already got a walker.” — Dan Adams Copy Share Image
I try and make myself or consenting people I am very close to the victims of my comedy. I don't enjoy bullying… — Greg Davies Copy Share Image
“Revenge is a dish best served cold but Mama prefers to serve it with hot gravy, potatoes, and roast turkey.” — Jonathan Dunne Copy Share Image
Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting. — Stephan Pastis Copy Share Image
“Nick: I had a great time. ;) Delilah: Are you winking at me? Nick: No, I had something in my emoticon eye :)~” — M.D. Saperstein Copy Share Image
When you've got nowhere to turn, turn on the gas. , Answered Prayers (Unspoiled Monsters). — Truman Capote Copy Share Image
I think comedies should be short. I don't want to be self-indulgent; I don't want a two-hour comedy. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
I don't have to defend what I do for a job. Who cares what people say? If people don't see the humor… — Too Short Copy Share Image
Steve Carell and Tina Fey are a match made in comedy heaven. They're perfect. — Ben Lyons Copy Share Image
I definitely have a dark sense of humor, and in ways I think that comes from having a lot of childhood trauma… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
“Don't make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things." "Isn't that called murder?” — G A Aiken Copy Share Image
“Butler: Do you think I look deaf? William: Whadda I know. You look like you could be anything.” — Richmal Crompton Copy Share Image
“They certainly won't think she's been taken over by the devil. If anything, they're suspicious that the devil's taken a day off.” — David Levithan Copy Share Image
There's very few comedy sci-fis that have worked for me other than the classics, like 'Red Dwarf' and, of course, 'Hitchhiker's Guide.' — David Hewlett Copy Share Image
I love physical comedy. I love Oscar Wilde, I love Shakespeare comedies, I love improv. — Elizabeth Banks Copy Share Image
“I guess all my afternoon beers and burgers were catching up with me, which made me want to scream THEN WHY NOT… — Jonas Eriksson Copy Share Image
