Humor Quotes · Page 404

“Next Mrs. Crupp said it was clear she couldn't be in two places at once (which I felt to be reasonable). . .”

— Charles Dickens

“Between the whiskers scraggling down his neck and the now-crooked glasses, he could have been the Black Allen Ginsberg.”

— Garth Risk Hallberg

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

— Mark Twain

If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind, Id be…

— Anonymous

We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it.

— George W. Bush

I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumors But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humor And when I…

— Depeche Mode

For indeed all that we think so new to-day has been acted over and over again, a shifting comedy, by the women…

— Agnes Repplier

I would date a fan, I dont have a problem with that. I look for a good sense of humour in a…

— Rupert Grint

In a band with humor, it's easy to be a caricature, especially when you've been around as long as we have. But…

— Kate Pierson

I didn't come from a wealthy family. I had no money. Maybe it goes back to naivete which is your greatest asset…

— Steve Martin

“She reached the powder room and shut the door behind her, jumping in fright at the sight that met her gaze in…

— Jen Turano

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else…

— Anthony Jeselnik

“And don't trouble yourself too much if you don't laugh at what you are about to read, for if you perk up…

— Harvard Lampoon

It's a hard thing, I think, to totally balance comedy and horror, and to do it in a way that is about…

— Fred Hechinger

“Alannah took a step back. “Brennus, are you intoxicated?” “I am King Brennus. I do not become intoxicated. I am intoxicating.” Alannah…

— B.C. Morin

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting…

— Bo Burnham

In all my content I don't really swear or use profanity, because I believe comedy can just be pure.

— Michael Dapaah

“I use Fiction to face Reality And write sweet Stories to avoid the bitter ones.”

— Talia

We call ourselves comedy writer-performers, and that encompasses everything, and I certainly have a very open mind about it.

— Robert Webb

“Some people say, "I only want to do God's work." How do you know what God's work is??”

— Art Hochberg

“Are you really speechless or has the vodka finally impaired your ability to function like a normal human?”

— Heidi McLaughlin

“THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”

— George Carlin

“Next morning while imbibing his morning tea beneath his pink silken quilt Bernard decided he must marry Ethel with no more delay.”

— Daisy Ashford

“Decker smiled and shrugged off their laughter. The humour was only barbed if you sat on the outside, and now he was…

— R.D. Ronald

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four..

— Mark Twain

My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.

— Michael Caine

I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff.

— Morgan Freeman

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the blame”

— Josh Stern

I'm too far to the left for some, too far to the right for others. I'm my own brand of comedy.

— Ralphie May

A lot of celebrities have a sense of humor, and combined with an outrageous event, sometimes the sky's the limit!

— Chris March

You can't get all of your news from Jon Stewart, especially since it's a comedy show.

— Joe Klein

“Don't take candy from strangers. The people you know are strange enough.”

— Kim Faulkner

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

— Craig Ferguson

Putting any situation through our comedy lens always goes on in our heads.

— Sal Vulcano

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

— Mark Twain

A comedian needs more than just a sense of humour. He needs to observe everything around him.

— Vivek

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

— Stephen King

A fit of laughter, which has been indulged to excess, almost always produces a violent reaction.

— Plato

“Keeping that man out of trouble was like trying to return a whore to chastity.”

— Lydia Dare

Suffer love! A good ephitet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

— William Shakespeare