Humor Quotes · Page 396

“Listen, I'd rather lie naked in a plowed field under an incontinent horse for a week than have to read that paragraph…

— Diane Ackerman

I love '30 Rock.' It's one of my favorite shows. It's certainly the gold standard of comedy writing.

— Dan Harmon

“The poet is a faker / Who's so good at his act / He even fakes the pain / Of pain he feels in fact.”

— Fernando Pessoa

If my name was Mario I'd get into as many relationships as I can just so I could break up with them…

— Anonymous

Hang onto your sense of humor. I picture my obituary : The sexiest man alive is now dead.

— Mark Harmon

I always saw myself doing comedy, so when I got the job on 'All My Children' it was not my thing -…

— Chrishell Stause

“Rogan gave him a flat stare. Lesser men would’ve fled for their life, but Augustine was clearly made of sterner stuff.”

— Ilona Andrews

“In all the daydreams she’d woven about her and Titus sharing intimate conversations, never once did they entail discussing corset burglary.”

— Karen Witemeyer

I wrote a play at drama school, which was a dark comedy - people laughed and cried. And then my script of…

— Michaela Coel

“And then, with all her might, she focused her attention on the back of Po's head and screamed his name, inside her…

— Kristin Cashore

“(Regarding check-cashing places): It's hitting me how poor this really is: I'm standing in a long line to pay someone to give…

— Angela Nissel

“She gave him a strange maternal grin. For the first time, clearly, the thought surfaced in Paul Sheldon’s mind: I am in…

— Stephen King

All the parts I get offered are character and comedy parts, and I probably wouldn't get them if I had a different…

— Mackenzie Crook

I was never considered 'a marketable hero', and never got promoted to that category. I am not complaining - I found another…

— Vivek

“Why?" "Because...because he's so tall ," Mindy explained, like height was proof of good character. "And did I mention European?" "Yes. It's…

— Beth Fantaskey

“Who will marry me? No one wants a girl who is not a virgin." "I will. I'll marry you." "Ma non posso…

— Joseph Heller

“I'll pretty much try any cheese, but I have found that I prefer young goats and old cows. I don't like gray…

— Nichole Robertson

I like drama. I love being in a drama where I get to be the funny guy. That's what I really love…

— John Leguizamo

Growing up my brother showed me a lot of Cohen brothers movies, I guess that's where I get my dark humor from.

— Charles Forsman

People ask me if I have comedy writers, and I'm like, 'Are you kidding me?'

— Ana Navarro

“Paying twenty-five dollars for me was your mistake, ma’am. I’m not worth more than fifteen.”

— Margaret Brownley

“I'm going to ignore him, but he better fucking notice me ignoring him.”

— Van Krishna

I loved, like really, really loved, the humor in Jason Eisener's 'Alien Slumber Party.'

— Gareth Evans

“How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?" "Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can…

— Mars Hill

We did sketch comedy, performed live improv, and then we made the transition to TV with 'Impractical Jokers.'

— Joe Gatto

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

— Criss Jami

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians…

— Demetri Martin

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.”

— Marley Gibson

“Their humor is underdog humor, a put-down of what is more powerful than they.”

— Wallace Stegner

I'm happy and feel myself to be fortunate that I've been gifted with this art of comedy, where I can make people…

— Sunil Grover

My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers.

— Ronald Reagan

There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels.

— Denise Mina

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

— Woody Allen

An adequate share of humor and laughter represents an essential part of the diet of the healthy person.

— Norman Cousins

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I love to bring humour into my work. Because comedy is not a huge part of the art world. And big-business film…

— James Franco

“Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar.”

— Nenia Campbell

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

— Adam Ferrara

“But I might—” he bit out. “Tell me you’re not a fucking virgin.” “No, I’m not a fucking virgin. Virgins have yet…

— Lora Leigh

Comedy can take you a lot further in getting your point across. People are entertained, and then, by being entertained, they get…

— Maz Jobrani