I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion. — Stendhal Copy Share Image
In every relationship one must sacrifice to show thy love. Are you willing to make sacrifices for someone you love? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You're cooking", said Elizabeth, and each word came out of her mouth as if it was ashamed of being in the room… — Liam Perrin Copy Share Image
I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I think comedy's something you can't learn. It's an instinct, which makes it rather elusive. — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down to your hips. Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your… — Ken Kesey Copy Share Image
“No " Grandlibby replied. "Hail comes from hell. The devil sent it because he's happy that you're reading evil garbage.” — Jenny Lawson Copy Share Image
“Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“Chapter One of My Life. I walk down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am… — Portia Nelson Copy Share Image
“Buckets,' said Cimorene. 'Lots of buckets, and soap, and lemon juice. Where do you keep your buckets, Mendanbar?' 'Around somewhere,' Mendanbar said… — Patricia C. Wrede Copy Share Image
The main problem with films is that everybody always thinks of us as a violent people. We are not. We are spiritual.… — Michael Horse Copy Share Image
“One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of becoming your own father or mother. There is no… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“If you're going to be a narcissistic schmuck, kid, don't bother studying Faulkner. Go straight to Brett Easton Ellis. He's the role… — Arinn Dembo Copy Share Image
“P.S. What the hell. Why not sign off with the traditional American greeting? "Merry Christmas," Uncle Vasile. "Happy holidays to you." P.P.S.… — Beth Fantaskey Copy Share Image
British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for… — Peter Ustinov Copy Share Image
“Onze boosaardige aartsvijand had de concentratieboog van een peuter die hyper was van de suiker.” — Shanna Swendson Copy Share Image
It's a very tough time for the playwright. Broadway has become almost a musical comedy theme park with all these long-running shows. — John Lithgow Copy Share Image
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland,… — Paul Reiser Copy Share Image
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
We will meet; and there we may rehearse most obscenely and courageously. Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream. Spoken by Bottom, Act I Sc. 2 — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
“I was running on a treadmill earlier today and my moobs sagged so low that I tripped.” — M.S. Knight Copy Share Image
I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple!… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
“His skin is so hard and rough, it’s like shaking a piece of tree bark.” — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
If you're a girl who raises her voice a lot, I assume your mom didn't hug you enough when you were a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I don’t trust people with empty-stomach breath to tell me what taste is.” — Tracie Egan Copy Share Image
Caregivers need humor not only for the healing aspect but also to lift our spirits and inspire us to keep doing what… — Jim Breuer Copy Share Image
I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys,… — LeBron James Copy Share Image
As I see it, there's mainstream comedy - and then there's me, out in the badlands. — Rik Mayall Copy Share Image
Not being funny doesn't make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humor does. — David Rakoff Copy Share Image
There's a sense of humor within the Australian culture that prevails when one is in a rather difficult situation. — Guy Pearce Copy Share Image
“I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels.” — Nicole Luiken Copy Share Image
“The heaviness of loss in her heart hadn't eased, but there was room there for humour, too.” — Nalo Hopkinson Copy Share Image
Comedy makes you humble. Because there are so many opportunities to miss, and strike out. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
“Id is fery boedigal!" he said, his blue eyes twinkling. "Cabdain Blood is fond of boedry - you remember de abble-blossoms. So?… — Rafael Sabatini Copy Share Image
Bad English was the second language of Israel and bad Hebrew, of course, remained the national language. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“What I know definitively about life at this age … is absolutely nothing.” — James Qualls Copy Share Image
