Humor Quotes · Page 345

“My stomach flipped. I stopped. This guy was trending in my mind big time.”

— Luella Christie

Comedy taste changes. It only changes slightly, but there's always a different angle, a different attitude.

— Ronnie Corbett

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water. I'd drink it.

— Anonymous

“He's the navigator, he could probably find you a route to Hawaii underwater.”

— Jocelyn White

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

— Jimmy Carr

riley: give me a romantic comedy any day. rhoan: your jest a girly-girl at heart, arent you? riley: takes one to know…

— Keri Arthur

“There are many premium writers, yes? Tolstoy, yes? He wrote War , and also Peace , which are both premium books.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

If I ever find myself in North Carolina I shall marry a man just to feel safe.

— Russell Brand

I certainly know guys in comedy, I know some actors, and I definitely know some musicians, who have survived to a certain…

— Denis Leary

I think American guys tend to be a bit more forward, a bit more chatty and open than the Brits. The Brits…

— Hayley Atwell

“Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking…

— Claire/Mia Fontaine

“When the corpses of [Sir John] Franklin's officers and crew were later discovered, miles from their ships, the men were found to…

— Anne Fadiman

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has…

— Adam Carolla

“Why do you joke about such things?" she snapped. He let his gaze land rather intently on hers. "When the alternative is…

— Julia Quinn

“We are naked, but we think we are not; we are wrong, but think we are correct. We are misled but we…

— Nilantha Ilangamuwa

“Frank heard the glass of water thump on the stand that he now imagined might be beside the bed, which meant it…

— Thomas Alton Gardner

“You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds”

— Josh Stern

“I may be taller than her on my knees. Does she need a man she can climb?”

— Carol Maloney Scott

“A true prince. One of the finest, least dedicated men in the whole world.”

— Joseph Heller Catch 22

Humor is a very important thing. It is a natural predilection. It is an emotional release.

— Ray Stevenson

Pretending that you're very busy talking over phone when you see someone you want to avoid or don't want to talk to.

— Raghav Singh

“When I see a spade I call it a spade. I'm glad to say I have never seen a spade!”

— Oscar Wilde

Is not the decisive difference between comedy and tragedy that tragedy denies us another chance?

— John Updike

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

— Dave Barry

“I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you…

— Margaret Atwood

Without context, things are not scary. Without context, like humor, horror doesn't work.

— Guillermo del Toro

“Mario no tenía humor para la chabacanería y había superado hacía años cualquier tendencia a la promiscuidad”

— Isabel Allende

Comedy thrives on immediacy and I got fed up waiting months to find out if a radio sketch show was being commissioned.

— Richard Herring

When I saw 'The Office' I thought, 'That's it for our type of humour. This has changed comedy for ever.' I loved…

— Harry Enfield

“The most important thing to remember is that the safe word is for the client; you bring mace.”

— Isa K

I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

— Steven Wright

I never had a particular brand of comedy, nor did I follow a particular style.

— Vivek

“Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it.”

— George Saintsbury

There was this funny thing of anything could happen now that we realized everything had.

— Raymond Carver

The humour of Dostoievsky is the humour of a barloafer who ties a kettle to a dog's tail.

— W. Somerset Maugham

Humor has been a major component in our past successes; a good joke and a good product combined can get a lot…

— Vince Offer

“Just my luck: My bloodthirsty killing machine was better with both kids and women than I was.”

— Jon in by Van Name

“Whew! You two are blowing hotter air than a tornado circlin’ a volcano in Hades.”

— Colleen Houck

“Atkins knows two kinds of birds: seagulls and the ones that aren't seagulls.”

— Iain Sinclair

Your writing", she said to me, "it's so raw. It's like a sledgehammer, and yet it has humor and tenderness. . . .

— Charles Bukowski