Comedy is hostile to profundity, and brings everything to the surface. — Mason Cooley Copy Share Image
“The last one was a bitch. this one was three bitches and a bastard” — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
“Why can't I talk to her?" "Because you're not a handsome young man." "Well, neither is he!” — Chris d'Lacey Copy Share Image
“That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.” — Kasey Collin P. Dumdum Copy Share Image
Sense of humor: A thread of illuminated intelligence that links two opposite ideas. — Thomas Lansing Masson Copy Share Image
You know what guys & parking spaces have in common? The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicaps. — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
“Musical comedy is the Irish stew of drama. Anything may be put into it, with the certainty that it will improve the… — P. G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
I think maybe to survive, I mean to just get through the day - I'm not saying that everything is hilariously funny. — Roz Chast Copy Share Image
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee… — Honoré de Balzac Copy Share Image
I honestly would tell anyone young to start looking at stories and learning story, because I think that’s the next step after… — Bob Odenkirk Copy Share Image
“In the darkened recesses of the Suburban, my opinion of the vampire rose considerably. There were far worse things than having to… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“The US military and the CIA got busy working on plans for the conquest of Cuba. And it would be no Mickey… — Mal Peet Copy Share Image
Most of you probably didn't know that I have a new book out. Some guy put together a collection of my wit… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting,… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
“Did I expect him to think sucking my cock was anything other than disgusting? I‟d never even kissed a girl, and believe… — Cardeno C Copy Share Image
“Master Griffin, I would marry my own mother for the excuse to stab my eyes out with her brooches than to see… — Tiffany Reisz Copy Share Image
“He was wide-eyed as he spoke. “He says you are a nut and I am a nut.” — Karina Halle Copy Share Image
