Humor Quotes · Page 243

My comedy grows as I grow as a person.

— Lil Rel Howery

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

— Natasha Leggero

“The sense of humor is God's best gift to Man.”

— Yogi Ramacharaka

“Remember, whoever is funny is king.”

— Anonymous

“Announcing your plans is a good way to hear god laugh”

— Anonymous

I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy.

— Carol Burnett

For me, comedy was deftly terrifying.

— Yvonne Orji

“When life throws you lemons ... grab a bat and swing hard!”

— Kimberly McKay

“There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.”

— Bill Watterson

“We might have the most beautiful words and thoughts - but it's actions that count.”

— Art Hochberg

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

— Frankie Boyle

I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only…

— Mitch Hedberg

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

— Woody Allen

“Those who believe everything they read probably should refrain from reading.”

— Matt

I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.

— Richelle Mead

Charlie Chaplin's genius was in comedy. He has no sense of humor, particularly about himself.

— Lita Grey Chaplin

I'm like a bumper car. When I did an infomercial I was fodder for every TV comedy show. I couldn't get a…

— Cher

“Cat doesn’t have to work. She’s a woman of independent means. I settled enough money on her to allow her the freedom…

— Lisa Kleypas

“My phone started flashing on the bed. I looked at the screen, then looked up. "Fuck." "Who is it?" Negin frowned. "Why…

— Tom Ellen

Dear xams.. sorry to say this but we dont get along qte well..! the more closer u cum the more am pissed…

— Allarefake

“A karaoke bar?" Mitch glared at him. "You dragged us to a karaoke bar?" "She didn't tell me it was karaoke." "You…

— Shelly Laurenston

“Tony knew if he ever needed anything done again, he was calling on the Lesbian Network of Massachusetts. Those girls worked fast.…

— K.A. Mitchell

“She sighed and stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Turning around, she nearly tripped over some of…

— Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

The mad thing is, most of my life, when I'm not in a dark mood, it's been humour that's got me through.…

— Richard Ashcroft

I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.

— Dylan Moran

“Stereotypes aren't funny when they follow you everywhere.”

— Anonymous

Comedy defends the commonplace; tragedy explodes it.

— Mason Cooley

“You went to Greenland...on purpose," Naz said.”

— Robin Sloan

“I am starting to think she is the kind of bitch that boils bunnies.”

— Kathy-Jo Reinhart

Humor is not far from my vocabulary.

— Edward Herrmann

“I shuttered from hairdo to shoe-sole”

— P.G. Wodehouse

“He's not a pet. He's an accident victim.”

— H.M. Ward

“Herve held a sigh and let out a breath of relief.”

— J.S. Mason

“An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet”

— Josh Stern

I was always interested in comedy and pop culture.

— Randy Rainbow

“In love! She wafted through her day like a woman with a concussion.”

— Junot Díaz

“A queen is never late. Everyone else is simply early.”

— Queen Clarisse Renaldi Character The Princess DIaries

“No threatening the cat!" Mr. Snuggly said.”

— Charlaine Harris

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

— Rodney Dangerfield

“Sometimes I hated myself but not for long.”

— Alan Bradley