The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“She didn't actually say I couldn't look. 'Don't look!' she cautions, as if she read my mind.” — Annie Kaufman Copy Share Image
All my work shares a kind of balance between black comedy and sad and despairing melancholy. — Martin McDonagh Copy Share Image
The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
The eyes are windows to a man's soul. If you look into them and you can't see a thing, run like hell. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best smiles come easily and often and don't include drool unless there is a tail wagging behind them. — Rock Cowles Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have a good idea, but I had an idea. Which would be a fitting quote on my tombstone.” — B.C. Johnson Copy Share Image
“Otto said: Try to figure out a way to kill us nicely. You can, of course, drop mother into the well, and… — Väinö Linna Copy Share Image
If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. — Calvin Trillin Copy Share Image
People like to have fun and they like to laugh. And when you laugh, it's much easier to convince people and they… — Mechai Viravaidya Copy Share Image
The style is the man. Rather say the style is the way the man takes himself; and to be at all charming… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
“She shocks the hell out of me when she asks, "Did you get engaged, Jade? She looks at me seriously. It's really… — Jillian Dodd Copy Share Image
It always interested me that 'Goodness Gracious Me' and 'The Kumars,' when shown around the world, were referred to as British comedy.… — Sanjeev Bhaskar Copy Share Image
Why, on my mother's birthday, am I thinking about 'Father Knows Best?' At our house, mother knew best at least as often… — Tom Shales Copy Share Image
“How long till you get her?" "Not long," she says. "Not long at all." He sighs again. "Good." "But dad?" "Yeah?" "Can… — Jennifer E. Smith Copy Share Image
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“He bowed jokingly, and everyone laughed as Mrs.Anderson shook her head. "Did you even read the material?" "of course I did." "Who… — J.M. Darhower Copy Share Image
“There are two rules for success: 1. Never tell everything you know.” — Roger H. Lincoln Copy Share Image
“A man is known by the company he keeps not by the company he works.” — Gaurav Agnihotri Copy Share Image
