I was determined to make a movie - about families and a love story - that black women would be proud to… — Salim Akil Copy Share Image
My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to why she… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
31ST OR 1ST APRIL DOESNT MATTER.. FOOL IS ALWAYS A FOOL,WISHIN U A VERY HAPPY N PROSPEROUS FOOLS DAY.. TO THE KING… — Hafsa Copy Share Image
It's kind of funny the way it happened - the way I became a goalie. I was playing forward on this one… — Martin Brodeur Copy Share Image
If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
“This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever… — David Coleman Copy Share Image
Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
“Getting seasick?" the inspector asked him at one point. "No. Just sick of myself." "Why?" "Because every now and then I realize… — Andrea Camilleri Copy Share Image
Do you know what's the saddest quote ever created by the funniest man in the world? , I love walking in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out.… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson Copy Share Image
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
BizarreSignBoard: Please Be Safe - Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of… — Topher Grace Copy Share Image
Fame is sexy. And women are meant to find men who are funny sexy. But not me. Absolutely not me. Clearly I… — Michael McIntyre Copy Share Image
I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this.… — Karl Lagerfeld Copy Share Image
“It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for… — Liz Czukas Copy Share Image
Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the… — John Naughton Copy Share Image
I wasn't a guy who grew up wanting to be in 'Funny Girl,' if you know what I mean. I wanted to… — Dennis DeYoung Copy Share Image
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
In a sense, one can never read the book that the author originally wrote, and one can never read the same book… — Edmund Wilson Copy Share Image
When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“Death devours not only those who have been cooked by old age; it also feasts on those who are half-cooked and even… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“HIGGINS [*snatching a chocolate cream from the piano, his eyes suddenly beginning to twinkle with mischief*] Have some chocolates, Eliza. LIZA [*halting,… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
For Daylight Savings Time I think we should spring forward at 4:00 p.m. on a Friday, and fall back at 9:00 p.m.… — Laura S Copy Share Image
Did you know if you yell 'Bloody Mary' 3 times in the mirror at 3am your mom will show up and tell… — Emaliebaby Copy Share Image
As far as I'm concerned, 'The Caretaker' is funny up to a point. Beyond that, it ceases to be funny, and it… — Harold Pinter Copy Share Image
My favorite comics are the ones who say funny stuff but also give you the message. They give you the laughter, but… — Tony Rock Copy Share Image
Sarina can be serious at times, but she's also funny. She makes us laugh a lot on the training ground with her… — Alex Greenwood Copy Share Image
“We'll do the warm-up, and then we're moving into some core work.' She gaped. Her... core? 'Abdominals,' he clarified, and pink washed… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose,… — Denzel Washington Copy Share Image
It's funny, you'll probably find me more often watching soccer than a football game, because I get enough football in my daily… — Eric Reid Copy Share Image
Every now and then you'll say something that didn't quite work. But the important thing is, as a comic, you try to… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
“I'm going to put the moves on her,' he says gravely. 'Things might get weird.' He says it like a commando setting… — Robin Sloan Copy Share Image
![“He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.” quote by Gwyneth Paltrow](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/69e/gwyneth-paltrow-1230_attention_he-chris-martin-can-t-have-background-mu_1695027.jpg)
![“HIGGINS [*snatching a chocolate cream from the piano, his eyes suddenly beginning to twinkle with mischief*] Have some chocolates, Eliza. LIZA [*halting, tempted*] How do I know what might be in them? I've heard of girls being drugged by the like of you. *Higgins whips out his penknife; cuts a…” quote by George Bernard Shaw](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/27a/george-bernard-shaw-68_bernard-shaw_higgins-snatching-a-chocolate-cream-from_2692762.png)
