For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It's funny. Some people now are like, 'Why would you transition? Why can't you just be comfortable how you were born?' That… — Teddy Geiger Copy Share Image
I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“He was becoming aware that there was no such thing as over-the-top with Lawrence Davenport, as long as you were talking to… — Jeffrey Archer Copy Share Image
I never in my life had the opportunity to go to events and get paid for it. How ridiculous is that? It's… — Evan Mock Copy Share Image
I think that 'Saving Grace' is pretty funny. I think that the show and the woman have a pretty great sense of… — Holly Hunter Copy Share Image
I think its funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an… — Derek Jeter Copy Share Image
Some of the funniest things are just situations in life that are funny. The way people interact. People describing their first kiss… — Nathan Fielder Copy Share Image
I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Funny moments of d students… . . During xamz...: . . yeh b ho gya . . yeh b ho gya .… — Julie Prince Copy Share Image
People are always surprised that I have a funny side because I'm usually so intense, strong and dramatic. But, I'd love to… — Catherine Bell Copy Share Image
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when R.Kelly dies and God asks him : Are you a mountain,Are you a tall tree,are you really the… — Boat_Grandberry Copy Share Image
In a funny way, when things went wrong in my life - and it is my fault that they went wrong, it… — Kimberly Quinn Copy Share Image
God, in a dream, talked to me, and he gave me that name. I'm like, 'you know what God? That is a… — Nick Young Copy Share Image
This blonde chick called me the other day. I couldn't stop laughing at her, because the first thing she said was, can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world… — Annette Curtis Klause Copy Share Image
What's the difference between a penás and a práck? A penás is fun, sexy and satisfying. A práck is the guy connected… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I do find comedy difficult. I don't know why. Maybe I think about it too much. There's a tremendous amount of pressure… — Michelle Pfeiffer Copy Share Image
I view the tea-drinking as a destroyer of health, an enfeebler of the frome, an engender of effeminacy and laziness, a debaucher… — William Cobbett Copy Share Image
In 1879 chocolate and peanut butter joined forces. But shut and up joined forces hundreds of centuries before. Both still to this… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
“You don’t have any friends, your sister dumped you, you’re a freak eater..and you’ve got some weird thing about Simon Snow." "I… — Rainbow Rowell Copy Share Image
Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
It's funny, but as time goes by, I get stopped in airports all the time, and it's always about 'Shannon's Deal.' — Jamey Sheridan Copy Share Image
As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm… — LeToya Luckett Copy Share Image
“Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
“I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea." He was quiet for a second. "God," he… — John Green Copy Share Image
Here in Miami, on weekends, amusement-seekers will come to the marina, set up folding chairs, and spend a highly entertaining day watching… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“I was so caught up in my thoughts I did not notice the wire till I got caught up in it. Right.… — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
Don't judge anybody until you've walked a mile in their shoes. After that it doesn't matter, because they're a mile away and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough… — Arthur C. Clarke Copy Share Image
Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
That's why you put out records: hoping that people will connect with them. I mean, I play music for myself, for sure,… — Jim James Copy Share Image
Yes, you can learn a lot about women, from what they choose to wear. You can learn even more by what they… — Mary Alice Copy Share Image
“Did you know that Gideon and I were trained in Krav Maga?" Charlotte took another step closer to me, and I automatically… — Kerstin Gier Copy Share Image
