It's Funny But 90 Percent Of People At Some Point In Their Life Have Tried To Close The Fridge Slowly To See… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
Because Vietnam was not a declared war, the veterans are not even eligible for the G. I. Bill of Rights with respect… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“Nero lowered his head to speak in her ear, keeping his hands on her arms to lock her in place. “My problem… — Sarah Brianne Copy Share Image
It's interesting - I always thought when I was doing more melodramatic stuff like 'Everwood' that the directors were constantly reeling me… — Chris Pratt Copy Share Image
If pregant girl woddle when they walk ALL thow poeple that look like dudes and sag there pains are pregant girls?????????????????? — Unknow Copy Share Image
Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
He is so shaggy. People are amazed when he gets up and they suddenly realize they have been talking to the wrong… — Elizabeth Jones Copy Share Image
When you fall, fake friends smirk and walk away. True friends help you up and ask if you're okay. I am a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
“We conquer the Independence Day aliens by having a Macintosh laptop computer upload a software virus to the mothership (which happens to… — Neil deGrasse Tyson Copy Share Image
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A socialist is someone who has read Lenin and Marx. An anti-socialist is someone who understands Lenin and Marx. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
NO,mom, It doesnt matter whether I go to bed at 9:00pm or 2:00am, when I wake up tomorrow at 6am I'll be… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A show that I loved as a kid was 'Maid Marian And Her Merry Men'. It was a really strong female character… — Sara Pascoe Copy Share Image
'Bridgerton' is a lot like the period dramas that you know and love, but nothing like it's forerunner. It's faster, funny, sexier,… — Rege-Jean Page Copy Share Image
Something that is funny, that I use sometimes if I'm doing comedy, is the fact that I'm now often mistaken for the… — Black Thought Copy Share Image
I was a funny kid growing up, and I did improv in college and went to Pratt Institute, but I did it… — Phoebe Robinson Copy Share Image
The conundrum that I face on a daily basis is that I have two sons who have grown up watching 'The Simpsons,'… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
“Haskell to Quinlin You need anything, Quin, absolutely anything, you call me and I'll be there. Remember, friends help you move. Good… — I.D. Locke Copy Share Image
Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you love someone so much you're waiting for them, you're noble. If you're making someone who loves you wait for you,… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Nobody should have to put their boxers in a half rotted chest of drawers.” “Hey. I’ll have you know that the rustic… — Adrienne Wilder Copy Share Image
“Ever since my famous battle with Python, I've had a phobia of scaly reptilian creatures. (Especially if you include my stepmother, Hera.… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. — Shahrukh Khan Copy Share Image
I got one that can throw but can't catch, and one that can catch but can't throw, and one who can hit… — Casey Stengel Copy Share Image
“Don't plead with anyone if you were not at fault, you'll only look inferior, stupid and funny, bolster your ego by doing… — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
“He went through the bills with the jaundiced eye of a China trader, asking himself not whether he had been stolen from,… — KJ Charles Copy Share Image
I secretly had this name 'Nancy and Beth' come into my mind, and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's such a funny,… — Megan Mullally Copy Share Image
What's funny is I still, more than anything, get recognized for 'The Mighty Ducks.' I love it. When I was younger, I… — Elden Henson Copy Share Image
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The first year I was on the show, it took an interviewer about 45 minutes to get it out of me that… — David Hyde Pierce Copy Share Image
I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“My family tree spreads wide as well. I am a great ape, and you are a great ape, and so are chimpanzees… — Katherine Applegate Copy Share Image
“Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut… — Robin Benway Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when youve already said what? three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just… — Kiara Sellars Copy Share Image
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
So... I ended up crying because Justin Bieber's gonna be in my town on Oct. 9. my mom won't let me buy… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Shame upon him who can look on calmly, and exclaim, 'The foolish girl! she should have waited; she should have allowed time… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
