Magellan went around the world in 1521, which is not too many strokes when you consider the distance. — Joe Laurie Jr Copy Share Image
I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side. — Lenny Kravitz Copy Share Image
If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse. — Proverbs 27:14 Copy Share Image
I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sentimentality and emotionalism have nothing whatsoever to do with love. — Jiddu Krishnamurti Copy Share Image
I agree with the dictionary..Girls before guys,partying before studying,and friends before love!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“It sounds like a horse,' Alice thought to herself. And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, 'You might make… — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
Bush is a very stupid man. The American people are not stupid, they are very clever. I can't understand how such clever… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I can't imagine bringing in somebody else to direct my show. Wouldn't that be funny, if next season I had, like, Michael… — Pamela Adlon Copy Share Image
I always tell people that to be the funny person in a Steve Martin movie is like getting a call that Keith… — Jason Schwartzman Copy Share Image
Ghetto Translations: Shit just got real = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness and is no longer a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit… — Edgar Allan Poe Copy Share Image
Soul of the Age! The applause! delight! the wonder of our stage! My Shakespeare, rise; I will not lodge thee by Chaucer,… — Ben Jonson Copy Share Image
People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else… — Luvvie Ajayi Copy Share Image
He lies so much that even if he tells me he's a liar, I wouldn't believe — Timzing Lakan Copy Share Image
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I was always interested in movies the way everyone is interested. That is, I liked to go to the movies — Ethan Coen Copy Share Image
“Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first).” — John D. Rhodes Copy Share Image
Without peace there is no development, and without development there is no peace — Jan Eliasson Copy Share Image
My funny speech wasn't funny. That's not the first time a politician has done that. — Elizabeth May Copy Share Image
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I was funny right away. I'm confidently saying that just because it's the truth. — Robby Hoffman Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which the husband knows when to remember and a wife knows what to forget; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
With rap, it's a funny thing. You can say things, and people can take 'em the way they wanna take 'em. — Young Jeezy Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm edgy and I'm funny and I got this bite, this outrageousness. — George C. Wolfe Copy Share Image
I know why Migos are popular - they're good, and they make great videos, and they're funny. — Stephen Malkmus Copy Share Image
There is no Them, there is only Us. Some of Us think this or some of Us think that, but we're all… — Lisa Williams Copy Share Image
There is nothing we cannot do if we harness the power within us. — Tao Porchon-Lynch Copy Share Image
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
