I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Make yourself worthy of money and money will make itself worthy of you. — Suze Orman Copy Share Image
The treasures of your life will present themselves to you only if you really are open to them. — Robin Sharma Copy Share Image
Michael Bates was a very funny actor; he'd served in India, could speak Urdu, and had great comic timing. — Sanjeev Bhaskar Copy Share Image
When a sentence ends up with a but be sure you understand that the but is important. — Clive Kassis Copy Share Image
Don’t be afraid to be yourself and don’t let anybody tell you that that’s wrong. Because the best thing is you. — Willow Smith Copy Share Image
Let's face it, when is it actually ever funny to joke about hitting someone? Never, right? The threat to give someone a… — Karren Brady Copy Share Image
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“How much of my fever-induced dream was real? I felt safe assuming that my time as a bee was fiction, as well… — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
“Tawny shrugged. "I was overreacting. Typical big sister move. He explained why he did it, and it makes sense, in a slightly… — Chelsea M. Cameron Copy Share Image
I still think funny, and people young and old still come and see me. That's flattering. The day comes that they stop… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
Happy Leap Day! Enjoy it while it's here...because like a Kobe Bryant pass, it only occurs once every 4 years... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Doug Stanhope is great - I saw his 'Burning the Bridge to Nowhere' show and it was inspiring. He's like an anti-shaman,… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
They want to deceive their people first because now they are in a very shabby situation — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
When I was 15, a cabdriver asked me if I was Paul McCartney's daughter, — Sean Lennon Copy Share Image
The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it. — Sara Blakely Copy Share Image
Go out and serve the suffering. Learn to place others in front of yourself. — Mata Amritanandamayi Copy Share Image
I went to the hurley house today…i wasnt hungry...i just wanted to watch that old lady walk in nakid again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone Told Me To Make A Superman Outfit. Here It Is(: Its Not My Best But Superman Is My Favorite Superhero(: — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how people fantasise about your life sometimes. But it's so much quieter than they think. — Isabelle Adjani Copy Share Image
Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I love when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize I have so much more time to sleep! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wish my mom would have told me the same thing about girls that she told me about horror movies, — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It’s simple, really: Be great right now so that you can be great later on. — Pete Carroll Copy Share Image
I learned that I' have to be detached if I was ever to achieve anything at all. — Iain Pears Copy Share Image
It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. — Pamela Anderson Copy Share Image
Above all else, products spread when they're useful and they're usable — Kevin Systrom Copy Share Image
I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake. — Leslie Fiedler Copy Share Image
A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I make a mistake, I'm an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake, hey! He's only human! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love being funny! I started in the theater when I was 9 and, believe it or not, always played the funny part! — Robert Knepper Copy Share Image
