The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. — Bill Gates Copy Share Image
The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funny. — Daniel Baldwin Copy Share Image
Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money. — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It is only the TRUTH that can make a man FREE, it is only the TRUTH that can make a man LIVE. — Peter Tosh Copy Share Image
Society is really coming to a point where they're not asking if women can be funny anymore. We all know they obviously… — Lauren Lapkus Copy Share Image
“But I thought she thought he was just a big pile of jobbies?” he said. “I seen her oout walkin’, an’ when… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched, ninjas. The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found" Well played, ninjas, well played ;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my… — Issa Rae Copy Share Image
Philistinism! - We have not the expression in English. Perhaps we have not the word because we have so much of the… — Matthew Arnold Copy Share Image
“What are those bulb things you're slicing?" "You've never seen fennel? It looks like celery and tastes like licorice.” — Ken Jennings Copy Share Image
Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks Santa why are you removing a wheel from your auto.… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
Comedy is still sexist. There is still this sense that women can't be trusted to be funny. — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
Nothing keeps longer than a middling fortune, and nothing melts away sooner than a large one. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
Dovie'andi se tovya sagain (It's time to roll the dice) - Matrim Cauthon — Robert Jordan Copy Share Image
If you don't talk to your customers, how will you know how to talk to your customers? — Will Evans Copy Share Image
Its knowing how hard to resist the tears want to fall! But more difficult to prevent jealousy who want to jab. — Innah Delos Angeles Copy Share Image
“Impersonating a quiet, gentle librarian like Barbara Gordon--You deserve to be taken out of circulation!” — Karl Kesel Copy Share Image
Guys, if she just wants to be friends then borrow $250 from her & never pay her back. Like a real friend would. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Thank God for the Saudis and Prince Bandar, and for our Qatari friends, — John McCain Copy Share Image
A system devolving power to the regions is the route to a viable Iraq. — Mowaffak al-Rubaie Copy Share Image
Whatever separates you from the Truth, throw it away, it will vanish anyhow… — Yunus Emre Copy Share Image
In life, the things that go wrong are often the very things that lead to other things going right. — Arianna Huffington Copy Share Image
I mention someone, get no replyback, and I'm left feeling like an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When the library book-drop overflows and volumes spill onto the wet grass, the books are over dew. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Even if you reject everything, it is always better to know what it is you are rejecting. — Tariq Ali Copy Share Image
I always find what I want. But when I find it, I don't want it any more. — Raymond Chandler Copy Share Image
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
