Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I actually think the subject of young divorce is pretty funny; I'd like to write a movie about it. — Olivia Wilde Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you try to high five someone and you both miss. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When something is too beautiful or too terrible or even too funny for words, then it is time for poetry. — Eve Merriam Copy Share Image
To me, it's always been a funny experience for people to know me and then meet my parents. — Esther Povitsky Copy Share Image
“Close your eyes!" "You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan." "Just do it!” — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
With so many girls using filter, I'm assuming true beauty is hard to find nowadays — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When my erection lasts for more than 4 hours after taking Viagra, I don't go see a doctor, I go see a… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
The meaning of the presupposition is the method of verification… we know the meaning of the statement if we know the conditions… — Moritz Schlick Copy Share Image
“The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Do I look like I care about your? It is very funny if you say yes because that thing would never happen.… — @th Copy Share Image
I bought a new printer because it was cheaper than ink refills. Now I'm wondering how long before new cars are cheaper… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
If you remain always far, love will die. If you remain always near, love will die. Love can survive only in a… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
“It's because I'm pregnant, Christian." He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up… — E.L. James Copy Share Image
The world you see is less of an indication about the world and more of an indication about your seeing. — Alan Cohen Copy Share Image
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
For every idiot there is an equally matching idiot of other sex and those intelligent ones never marry. — Senoraroy Copy Share Image
I've got loads of ideas. I just have no idea what to do with those ideas — Ville Valo Copy Share Image
If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate… — Ron Livingston Copy Share Image
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Some days I think that I would be much happier if I were single...and all the other days I know it for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Would that I could discover truth as easily as I can uncover falsehood. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The home is the center and circumference, the start and the finish, of most of our lives. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman Copy Share Image
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The past is always with us, for nothing that once was time can ever depart. — Rabindranath Tagore Copy Share Image
Words not only affect us temporarily; they change us, they socialize or unsocialize us. — David Riesman Copy Share Image
I'm glad Ashton Kutcher found a job where I know I can avoid seeing him. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No, I don't understand my husband's theory of relativity, but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted. — Elsa Einstein Copy Share Image
Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“This quote will self-destruct in…4…3…2...1...Just kidding...Or am I?” — Craig Benzine Copy Share Image
