I wasn't that drunk... Dude, youwere running downtown screaming to strangers OH NA NA NA WHAT'S MY NAME. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you love what you do, more than likely everything is gonna just come out decent. — Ghostface Killah Copy Share Image
A joke is just a paintbrush. It takes someone funny to paint something beautiful. — Andrew Schulz Copy Share Image
How can you tell if a woman is paranoid? You find her vibrator -- and it's wearing a condom! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
'what do I do when I see someone gorgeous ? I stare, I smile, & when I get tired, I just put… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
There is something about a voyage you are barely aware of while you are making it. — H. M. Tomlinson Copy Share Image
I had a funny last name, and I didn't look like everybody else, and I got faced with a lot of racism. — Sam Esmail Copy Share Image
One thing I would say is real cops have real gallows senses of humor and make incredibly funny and inappropriate jokes in… — Daniel J. Goor Copy Share Image
As women, we must stand up for ourselves. We must stand up for each other. We must stand up for justice for… — Michelle Obama Copy Share Image
“A blanket is a tell-all story about its endeavors with certain highly publicized people and their somewhat promiscuous acts.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
Funny moment when someone try to talk to you and you have LOUD music and your ears So you can't hear them… — Jasmine Copy Share Image
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
It's funny how seeing a love story never gets boring, because it's the dream, isn't it? It's the dream to have a… — Felicity Jones Copy Share Image
“Never in his life had he hit a girl, nor would he. But, right now, he wanted to kick that NSA cutie… — Shane Scollins Copy Share Image
I well remember the pride that my parents felt when my brother and I went up to Cambridge, but I also know… — Liz Kendall Copy Share Image
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. — Leonardo DiCaprio Copy Share Image
I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
So much of improv can be really long, and that's kind of what makes it funny. — Ben Falcone Copy Share Image
A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Loads of blokes think they're funny, but it counts for nothing unless you get up and have a go. — Lee Mack Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?' — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Behind every great man is a great woman telling him he's not as great as he thinks he is… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
How in the world are you ever going to meet the person you love if you dont love going out in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teaching is the profession that teaches all the other professions. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations, you have officially earned the Dumber than a Box of Rocks Award. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand. — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
