My teacher told us essays are like skirts…Long enough to cover the subject short enough to make it interesting. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. — Pink Copy Share Image
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girl I'm not hitting on you. I have a solid reputation for not trying to pick up girls who are sober. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY: You wanna swing? Fine! See that tree branch? The one with the rope...” — Robin Glasser Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over, I would have liked to have ended up as a sportswriter. — Richard M. Nixon Copy Share Image
Britain's a funny place and there's a lot of funny people coming out of there and a lot of people are finding… — Brendan Coyle Copy Share Image
“I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a… — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
We've still got a few days until Valentine's Day, so if you're secretly in love with me... Now is the time to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It's perfect for the person who wants a car that… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes,… — Gary Lineker Copy Share Image
Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The interview with Busted changed everything - it was just so funny, and we were all on set and they couldn't stop… — Miquita Oliver Copy Share Image
David Wain's character on 'Bob's Burgers' is really funny and silly and makes me laugh. — H. Jon Benjamin Copy Share Image
As soon as I realized you could be funny as a job, that was the job I wanted. — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Freedom is not something you are given, but something you have to take. — Meret Oppenheim Copy Share Image
Meanwhile 'Whatsapp' Changed its status to, Hey there! Facebook is using me now. — Aamir Copy Share Image
Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up. — Jackie Chan Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
There are no conflicts which cannot be resolved unless the true promoters of them remain hidden. — L. Ron Hubbard Copy Share Image
If you eliminate what no longer works, you illuminate what does. — Cheryl Richardson Copy Share Image
If we all aim to love ourselves, every bit, we will become love and radiate beauty to all those around us. — Shantel VanSanten Copy Share Image
A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still… — James Gould Cozzens Copy Share Image
We'll show you that you can build a mind from many little parts, each mindless by itself. — Marvin Minsky Copy Share Image
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Life is funny and it is interesting how we make it as serious as possible. By-rN — Rahul Copy Share Image
I wish my girlfriend would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
