There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
You have to learn to work and search, not expect instantly to find. — Patsy Rodenburg Copy Share Image
Think I need a 2nd job, I have way too much month at the end of my money. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of it. — James A. Baldwin Copy Share Image
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“I tilt my head and ask “What firsts have we already passed?” “The easy ones,” he says. “First hug, first date, first… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
“Have you been reading those books that clueless illiterate Duja in charge of the lending library lets you borrow?’ ‘No, Ma.’ ‘Then… — Renita D'Silva Copy Share Image
Reality is like a doughnut: Everything that is good and funny and juicy is outside the center, which is just emptiness. — Olga Tokarczuk Copy Share Image
Six Secrets to Being a Successful Humorist 1. Be scared, unhappy, and an outcast as a kid. 2. Drop out of high… — Bruce McCall Copy Share Image
“I’m not scared any more,’ said Midge. ‘Thank you, Kevin. Sometimes you can be very kind.’ ‘Yes,’ said Kevin. ‘And if you… — Doug MacLeod Copy Share Image
It's funny because, when I was younger, my body was 'better,' but I was more insecure about it. Then, in my 30s,… — Emma Willis Copy Share Image
Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet. — Tommy Bolt Copy Share Image
It takes a lot of hard work and dedication just like any pro sport. Especially for beach volleyball you don't have to… — Misty May-Treanor Copy Share Image
If a guy tells you that you drive him crazy, you are either doing something really right, or terribly wrong. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All our scientific and philosophic ideals are altars to unknown gods. — William James Copy Share Image
It is better to do nothing Than to do what is wrong. For whatever you do, you do to yourself. — Gautama Buddha Copy Share Image
God planned for our lives to connect. Let's make sure we keep it that way. — Melody Carlson Copy Share Image
When a girl says have fun to a guy, it really means: Have a freakin' horrible time. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious. — François-René de Chateaubriand Copy Share Image
These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
You can make bleak things funny but if you're glib about it, it doesn't work. — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
OMG! Wrong person! Cancel. Cancel! Cancel!! CANCEL!!!! -Message sent- Okay, KILL me now. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
After reading the TJ Hooper case, a lady in class asked Torts professor if Learned Hand was an actual person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
Does anyone in the class have any questions? (._.)/ ok, moving on. (._.). — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whatever good there is in small boys is usually based upon their admiration for girls of their own age. — Arthur Brisbane Copy Share Image
In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat. The government hates competition — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!' — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
