I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Every technological product has to be designed and its fabrication overseen, and this is what engineers DO. — Samuel Florman Copy Share Image
I hate when I beat someone at something and their excuse is, 'I wasn't even trying.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I never knew what was meant by choice of words. It was one word or none. — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
As I get older, I don't think the world is becoming that funny. Comedy is changing a bit. — Bobby Lee Copy Share Image
My mum told me that I have a gift, but it doesn't make me better than others — Connie Talbot Copy Share Image
Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“Things stop being funny if you have to explain them to people, especially if they need excellent attention spans.” — Santosh Kalwar Copy Share Image
It's funny, because when I went down to the combine for the interviews with teams, Charles Haley is the name that came… — Justin Tuck Copy Share Image
My favorite color is purple. I have One Direction infection. its all over me, its stronger than me. Just the fact that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I'd laugh, but… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
“What did you tell them?” “I don't recall. I think I mentioned your discipline and ability to follow orders. I may have… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
It's funny how many people will come to Vegas to see your show where they might not come out to see you… — Reba McEntire Copy Share Image
But this show reminds me that there are other aspects to me besides the fact that I'm a funny chick. — Kristen Johnston Copy Share Image
A nation is the sum of its memories, and when those memories are allowed to die, it is less of a nation. — Peter Hitchens Copy Share Image
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.” — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
It is one's own personal, selfish happiness that one seeks, earns, and derives from love. — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
I didn't do it... Then why are you laughing? Cause whoever did it, is a freaking genius! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I did not choose the Pokemon life. The Pokemon life said, I choose you!! — Chinmmay Relle Copy Share Image
There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
OMG DiD YOU GET BRACES!?!?!?!!? í!?nah, I just decided to bedazzle my teeth. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you respond to life, that's positive; when you react to life, that's negative. — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
A book is really like a lover. It arranges itself in your life in a way that is beautiful. — Maurice Sendak Copy Share Image
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I am going to strangle them. — Joe Biden Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm a funny person in general. I have had to learn comedy. — Ashton Kutcher Copy Share Image
Worst thing about being sick: loosing your voice so you can't sing without sounding like a dying frog... — Guardian Copy Share Image
Oh, listen a lot and talk less. You can't learn anything when you're talking. — Bing Crosby Copy Share Image
