“When you exclude anything that is improbable, whatever is left, is not as hilarious.” — Oleg Medvedkov Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you can't control your reproduction, you can't control your life. — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
He who makes great demands upon himself is naturally inclined to make great demands on others. — Andre Gide Copy Share Image
True holiness is not achieved by what we do, but what we allow God to do in us. — Mark Hart Copy Share Image
She goes to Frederick's of Hollywood at the mall and purchases an explicit lingerie outfit so sheer that you could read an… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Lokeij whistled. “Make the king’s warriors vanish if they come. . . what a deceitful turtledove you are.” Aly smiled at the… — Tamora Pierce Copy Share Image
American radio is the reverse of the Shakespearean stage. In Shakespeare's time the world's greatest dramas were acted with the most primitive… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I see a funny guy who's imperfect, but has a great heart and no vanity when it comes to what he'll do… — Marlon Wayans Copy Share Image
“As soon as the door closed, Uncle Enzo looked around. "I say he needs money." Uncle Nico shook his head. "He's been… — Ashleigh Stevens Copy Share Image
“Nancy was so thrilled, I thought she was going to kiss me—and I thought I was actually going to have to hit… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
“What the hell is so funny?" "First of all," she said, her confidence growing, "they're not my MASTERS. I don't have a… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Its funny how you can tell when someone likes someone else, but you cant tell when someone likes you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A sign of intelligence is to see the One in many and find the many in One. — Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Copy Share Image
If there is no absolute by which to judge society, society is absolute. — Francis Schaeffer Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I'll never see it. — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Not all detectives are the same - some play bad cop, some are awkward, some are funny. — Juliette Lewis Copy Share Image
In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The? — Keith Waterhouse Copy Share Image
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. — J. Paul Getty Copy Share Image
I wish we can just send our homework to teachers so we dont get the lecture at class — Noorullah Habibzoi Copy Share Image
A priority is observed, not manufactured or assigned. Otherwise, it's necessarily not a priority. — Merlin Mann Copy Share Image
While we wait for God to work for us, God is waiting to work through us. — Rick Warren Copy Share Image
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. — Lele Pons Copy Share Image
The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
