If there is anyone who owes everything to Bach, it is certainly God. — Emile M. Cioran Copy Share Image
Do I Look like a grocery item to you?ÿ?ÿ? I see you checking me out!! — Generose Relano Copy Share Image
There's nothing cute or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
My road to success is blocked by a huge rocks obstacle with a big sign that says 'Twitter.com' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
OK, thank you Yoshi. Between you, Vladimir, and Maryse, I won't understand a word this entire season. — Matt Striker Copy Share Image
The shortest period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival… — Jane Bryant Quinn Copy Share Image
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I knew I could rap a little bit, which is not the most unique way for being funny. The more I did… — Lil Dicky Copy Share Image
Podcasts feature comedians being as funny as they can be in a non-censored situation. It's really akin to standup in a way.… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
“Thank God she wasn't wearing shorts. She hadn't shaved her legs in a week, theorizing that October in the mountains was pretty… — Victoria Dahl Copy Share Image
To be fair to my ex girlfriend, I hope she'll always be memorable and unique to me. God forbid I ever find… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When people make a status saying 'Likes' to just see how much likes they can get and not give anyone a like… — Corey Bird Copy Share Image
I'm a sucker for Thought Catalog. Shelby Fero is really funny on Twitter. And Patton Oswalt, he's sort of like a Twitter… — Addison Timlin Copy Share Image
Funny enough, you know who I used to really like in Lion King? It was Scar. — Burna Boy Copy Share Image
“Is a joke truly funny when we laugh at it, or is it merely some aberration of our frontal lobe?” — Gerald Schroeder Copy Share Image
I think I gravitate towards people who express themselves in a simple and funny way. — John Slattery Copy Share Image
If you talk about what you believe, you will attract those who believe what you believe. — Simon Sinek Copy Share Image
A candle burns to give brightness while a woman burns to brighten your life/personality. — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
No, indeed; I don't know anything. You see, I am stuffed, so I have no brains at all. — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
The path may not be left for an instant. If it could be left, it would not be the path. — Confucius Copy Share Image
All pictures painted inside in the studio will never be as good as the things done outside. — Paul Cezanne Copy Share Image
The odd things that people say to you are so much more hilarious than what you can come up with. — Jennifer Coolidge Copy Share Image
NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It was Nick Willing's intention to make 'Hatter' as sarcastically British funny as he could. — Andrew-Lee Potts Copy Share Image
Offering Dragons quarter is no good, they regrow all their parts and come on again. They have to be killed. — John Berryman Copy Share Image
Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something. — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
Your life begins to change when you change something you do every day. — John C. Maxwell Copy Share Image
Mom: Stop lying to me! Me:Tooth fairy, easter bunny and santa *walks away like a boss* — Brookie Copy Share Image
“I said alone!” He nodded in agreement. “Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It’s our way.” — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
May your Halloween be scarier than what's actually going on with our country. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is. — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Beautifully-acted and precisely observed, ILO ILO is an amazing debut, full of heart and intelligence. — Ang Lee Copy Share Image
