Funny Quotes · Page 647

Facebook wont let me post the video! -.- What should I do?

— Anonymous

You have to learn how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

— Lou Piniella

These are just things that we don't know, and that's where trust and faith come in.

— Benjamin Carson

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

— George W. Bush

Dad, it's still hard to believe you're someone's father.

— Anonymous

The Giver of life gave it for happiness and not for wretchedness.

— Thomas Jefferson

The resistance is not something to be avoided, it's something to seek out.

— Seth Godin

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement;

— Nikhil Saluja

Looking at my last summer pics & seeing how much weight I've gained has inspired me to make a resolution this summer…

— Nikhil Saluja

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in…

— Jerome K. Jerome

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Look girl I'm done told you already to stop poppin' that gum! Nikki: Look! If you touch me, I'm…

— Madea

It's a funny thing that when things happen in an actor's life, at some point it's just a performance, at another, it's…

— Ashish Vidyarthi

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover…

— Mitch Hedberg

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and…

— P. J. O'Rourke

“What happened?" he asked brusquely, interrupting me. "What do you mean, what happened?" "I sensed your fear, heard you call out my…

— Kristi Cook

What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a…

— W. C. Fields

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when I'm drunk , and your still ugly

— Anonymous

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

— Erma Bombeck

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

— Henny Youngman

Laws and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned, wound up, and set to true time.

— Henry Ward Beecher

The grand tune is the only thing in music that the great public really understands.

— Thomas Beecham

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

— Anonymous

What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it.

— Lee Iacocca

Every Christmas I only buy gifts for friends when I find out they already got me one.

— Anonymous

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

— Anonymous

I'd rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.

— Anonymous

It is so funny how we can judge peoples, and don't judge ourselves...

— Frenchqueen

The only time a woman will fight for a man now a days is on a reality show.

— Abhishek Ghosh

Installing love. ¦¦44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.

— Babloo

In my house Im the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

— Ritu Ghatourey

God takes full responsibility for the life wholly devoted to Him.

— Charles Stanley

There was never anything that did not proceed from a thought.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

— Groucho Marx

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

— Harry Hill

Leadership is much less about what you do, and much more about who you are.

— Frances Hesselbein

Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits.

— Terry Pratchett

I don't create poetry, I create myself, for me my poems are a way to me.

— Edith Södergran

“If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.”

— Jill Shalvis

The hardest exercise for most of us fat people is that one where we push our chairback from the dinner table.

— Dolly Parton