Funny Quotes · Page 648

Akwward moments are the best & most funny moments EVER...(;

— Mariah Sheree

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

— Yakov Smirnoff

I'm attending a beautiful wedding in a hideous bridesmaid dress.

— Anonymous

Its so funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to say.

— Author Name

How can we not talk about family when family is all we got

— Wiz Khalifa

Yawning Is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining.

— Ritu Ghatourey

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.

— RuPaul

I say funny stuff in my songs sometimes, but it's still all in the seriousness of the music and the craft.

— Rich Brian

In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to…

— Asheya

If you'd been where I'd been... if you'd seen the things I'd seen!... you... you'd be me... Or someone following me around...

— Alan Parker

The funny thing is, people only know me for having straight hair for work, but I live in Atlanta where it's hot…

— Keshia Knight Pulliam

“I read the title from the cover. ' 'The joy of... crap.' ' I read the rest of the full title of…

— Michelle Hodkin

Game design is a funny thing. There are people out there who are really good at it, but it's not clear that…

— Luis von Ahn

I always thought it would be funny to have the Parents Television Council write an episode of 'Family Guy' and give them…

— Seth MacFarlane

Nothing is impossible. this means that everything is possible. so if everything is possible, is it also possible that there is something…

— Winnie The Pooh

Every American, to the last man, lays claim to a "sense" of humor and guards it as his most significant spiritual trait,…

— E. B. White

The less it is possible that something can be, the more it must be.

— Robert M. Sapolsky

An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.

— Mike Barfield

Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming.

— Michael Pena

Underneath it all, you longed to be annihilated by love...

— Erica Jong

Slowness is frequently the cause of much greater slowness.

— Baron de Montesquieu

Three Things to Maintain.. Promise, Friendship and Affection.

— Nikhil Saluja

All your dreams will come true... Just remember that your nightmares are also your dreams...

— Anonymous

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise.

— Tommy Bolt

. . .nature indifferently copied is far superior to the best idealities.

— John James Audubon

It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day.

— Darby Conley

He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist.

— Steven Spielberg

Thumbs up to the kids who memorize lyrics faster than vocabulary words.

— Anonymous

The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the comfortable, and comfort the troubled

— Ric Charlesworth

There is no reasoning someone out of a position he has not reasoned himself into.

— Clive James

Is It Bad That i've Eaten About 18 Blue Jolly Ranchers? My Tongue Is a VERY Dark Blue lol -

— Anonymous

“We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Sol Campbell there, using his strength. And that is his strength. His strength.

— Kevin Keegan

“Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny.

— Tommy Chong

How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

— George Carlin

There are two kinds of women who like to talk a lot; the married women and the single ones.

— Vikrant Parsai

You're the first boss I haven't wanted to push down a flight of stairs.

— Anonymous

“Whoa, don't assume, dude," Marco said. "My mom always said, when you assume you make an ass of u and me --”

— Peter Lerangis

God is the Deliverer, but we never know how He might deliver us.

— Beth Moore