I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't know I'm having a midnight snack. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Friends are people you can talk to... without words when you have to. — Elvis Presley Copy Share Image
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Life is like masterbation, you keep going until something good comes out of it — Brandon Blease Copy Share Image
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“He studied with the guru of rock n’ roll, Baba Oom Mow Mow, who taught his own version of the Golden Rule:… — Swami Beyondananda Copy Share Image
The funny thing about voice over is you can go in in sweatpants and have your hair all messed up, and no… — Elizabeth Gillies Copy Share Image
“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
On the secret to a lasting marrige: One of you has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to… — Christopher Meloni Copy Share Image
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Gal's top 10 lies 1. I luv u more than nothing 2. I am single 3. I hope u wont cheat on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This satire business, that was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I was certified funny. From then on,… — Ray Guy Copy Share Image
The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. — Jerry M Wright Copy Share Image
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
“I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.” — Tom Althouse Copy Share Image
Probably the most dangerous and powerful industrialist of our age. [About Bill Gates] — Scott McNealy Copy Share Image
I don't get a chance to be funny on camera as often as I would like. — William Sadler Copy Share Image
Alright I Just Got Back So What Do You Guys Wanna Do? Game? Quotes? Outfits? Pictures? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought. — Bobby Robson Copy Share Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, and I didn't believe in it when I was a hamster. — Shane Richie Copy Share Image
I’ve never considered joining Twitter, nor do I know why anybody would. — Nick Saban Copy Share Image
If you read love quotes, either it will hit you or you will remember someone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more. — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
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![“I don't look for [comedic moments] actually, I just live my life.” quote by Gerry Dee](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/330/gerry-dee-51985_comedic_i-don-t-look-for-comedic-moments-actuall_367990.jpg)
