Wouldnt it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we dont like. — Jeremy G Copy Share Image
Not to brag but I'm so good that I can make women scream before sex. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I see no women out here, and you're chanting about a male organ, now tell me who's the fruit booty? — John Layfield Copy Share Image
“It’s funny how what you’re used to seems like it’s right even if it’s bad.” — Lisa Wingate Copy Share Image
BRB- I dont want to talk to you. LOL- I have nothing else to say. COOL- I dont care — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement. — Olivia Munn Copy Share Image
He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“What are you giving him?" Nicola Vileroy tilted her head... " Something to mesmerize and delight him. Something absolutely ethereal that would… — Daniel Nayeri Copy Share Image
“I didn't say what kind of book. You have a foul mind Bingley." "Don't mock me on my sister's wedding day!" "I… — Marsha Altman Copy Share Image
“Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women. They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner."… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
I never felt any pressure to be funny. A lot of the funny stuff I did was more off-the-cuff. I might be… — Jimmy Bullard Copy Share Image
It is our knowledge - the things we are sure of - that makes the world go wrong and keeps us from… — Lincoln Steffens Copy Share Image
What's so funny is people are like, 'Why do you just post pictures of cats?' I said, 'If you don't want to… — Beth Ostrosky Stern Copy Share Image
You'll hear 'Hippie,' or, 'Get a haircut.' I like it. I think it's funny because they think we've never heard that before.… — Jacob deGrom Copy Share Image
If you don't follow the stock market, you are missing some amazing drama. — Mark Cuban Copy Share Image
With your faults, dont hurry. Dont correct them thoughtlessly. What would you put in their place? — Henri Michaux Copy Share Image
I've wiped the file? … I've wiped all the files? … I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I think attractive cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies before they tase me. — Danny Zuker Copy Share Image
My boyfriend Told Me If I Bought Him One More Stupid Gift he Would Burn It So I Bought him A Candle… — Curly_girl Copy Share Image
FORGIVING AND ALL THAT CUTE SAPPY I LOVE YOU AND I WON'T EVER HURT YOU LIKE EVER ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVieS FUCK — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I'm known for taking pictures very close, and the older I get, the closer I get. — Bruce Gilden Copy Share Image
If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business. — Barbara Kingsolver Copy Share Image
The internet should have a place where you can officially register as an Ass Guy or Boob Guy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to make a picture about the Russian secret police - the GOP. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
Money cant buy happiness but some how its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a cycle! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it was like not to know it. — Chip Heath Copy Share Image
The point of being over 40 is to fulfill the desires you've been harboring since you were 7. — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
It's funny how a few words from you could make me feel a million times better. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
That heart attack moment when your phone is in a different pocket than normal so you start to panic.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
