Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine. — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
“The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.” — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast. — Amber Valletta Copy Share Image
He who reads much and understands much, receives his fill. He who is full, refreshes others. — Ambrose Copy Share Image
The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth. — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
We were very aggressive, and when we're aggressive, it's hard to stop us. — Kerri Walsh Copy Share Image
History is something that never happened told by someone who wasn't there. — Ramon Gomez de la Serna Copy Share Image
I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
“What's a slut?" I ask him. "A girl who puts out too easily." "Puts out what?" I imagine Greer putting out dinner… — Rachel Cohn Copy Share Image
I still tell a lot of jokes and do a lot of funny comics, but the stuff I like best is the… — Kate Leth Copy Share Image
When everyone gets something for nothing, soon no one will have anything, because no one will be producing anything. — Charles Koch Copy Share Image
The tricky thing becomes: Do you know yourself well enough to then portray that on screen? And for me, I find that… — Joel Edgerton Copy Share Image
When I want to watch a TV show with my parents past my bedtime, my mom always sends me to bed no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Blanket On - Hot Blanket Off - Cold 1 Leg Out - Perfect … Until The Demon From Paranormal Activity Grabs It… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
A difficult situation, not for one individual, but for everybody — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girls have unique powers; they get wet without water, bleed without injury and make boneless things hard .. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet. — Anne Frank Copy Share Image
Has there ever been a visitor to Ludlow who hasn't wished they lived there? — Jeremy Paxman Copy Share Image
He said to Jacob, "Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I'm exhausted." — Genesis 25:30 Copy Share Image
Come on, Chris. It'll be just you, me, and the great, wide open over here. — Triple H Copy Share Image
People often ask what I think of Michael McIntyre. I think he's funny. He's a nice bloke. — Peter Kay Copy Share Image
Everybody who belongs to Christ belongs to everybody who belongs to Christ — E. Stanley Jones Copy Share Image
I didn't set out to write some female-empowering movie; I just wanted to write a funny college comedy. — Kay Cannon Copy Share Image
TheBiggestLies Classmate: Do you have any gum? ; Me: Nah man, I got it from someone else. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nearness to God brings likeness to God. The more you see God the more of God will be seen in you. — Charles Spurgeon Copy Share Image
