“When you exclude anything that is improbable, whatever is left, is not as hilarious.” — Oleg Medvedkov Copy Share Image
If you can't control your reproduction, you can't control your life. — Joycelyn Elders Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
He who makes great demands upon himself is naturally inclined to make great demands on others. — Andre Gide Copy Share Image
True holiness is not achieved by what we do, but what we allow God to do in us. — Mark Hart Copy Share Image
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Thomas,” the boss said. “How’s your father doing?” “He’s good, Sal.” Always the family questions first. That was Sal Demenci’s style. He… — Gary Ponzo Copy Share Image
It's funny because before I joined the cast of 'Heroes,' I was an insomniac. I have suffered from insomnia for, like, so… — Dana Davis Copy Share Image
“I’m an idiot. I’m ten times an idiot. God, I could just die.” Then I forged ahead because the last comment was… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
“What are you waiting for?" shanna asked. "He's dying! Do it!" Conner looked at Angus. "Ye do it. It was yer idea."… — Kerrelyn Sparks Copy Share Image
“All superheroes have origin stories, like how Bruce Wayne’s parents get killed and he goes to Tibet or whatever, and Superman is… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
“Sydney did not believe in life after death, but in her experience, admitting this could lead to long and complicated discussions in… — Maureen F. McHugh Copy Share Image
“My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.” — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
“Is a joke truly funny when we laugh at it, or is it merely some aberration of our frontal lobe?” — Gerald Schroeder Copy Share Image
I think I gravitate towards people who express themselves in a simple and funny way. — John Slattery Copy Share Image
No, indeed; I don't know anything. You see, I am stuffed, so I have no brains at all. — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
A candle burns to give brightness while a woman burns to brighten your life/personality. — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
If you talk about what you believe, you will attract those who believe what you believe. — Simon Sinek Copy Share Image
The path may not be left for an instant. If it could be left, it would not be the path. — Confucius Copy Share Image
I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Bitches b like long hair dont care known damn well they shit shorter than a Instagram video — IG:Catone_2funny Copy Share Image
If there is anyone who owes everything to Bach, it is certainly God. — Emile M. Cioran Copy Share Image
There's nothing cute or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
Do I Look like a grocery item to you?ÿ?ÿ? I see you checking me out!! — Generose Relano Copy Share Image
My road to success is blocked by a huge rocks obstacle with a big sign that says 'Twitter.com' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
OK, thank you Yoshi. Between you, Vladimir, and Maryse, I won't understand a word this entire season. — Matt Striker Copy Share Image
Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Funny enough, you know who I used to really like in Lion King? It was Scar. — Burna Boy Copy Share Image
BOY: hey dad I got a girlfriend DAD: good job son!...GIRL: daddy I got a boyfriend DAD: (loads shotgun) — Ana Copy Share Image
We're so insecure, comedians. 'Did you laugh? Do you think I was funny?' — Julian Barratt Copy Share Image
