Funny Quotes · Page 497

When you're younger, think less and do more; when you're older, do less and think more.

— John Maeda

Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better.

— George Mikes

I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

— Anonymous

Nothing is going to be handed to you -- you have to make things happen.

— Florence Griffith Joyner

A guy tells you he loves you. The man shows you he does.

— Nikhil Saluja

We make our money out of our friends. Our enemies will not do business with us.

— Elbert Hubbard

How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize?

— Penn Jillette

I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you.

— Brad Williams

It's funny how much the lie of a life after life works with people. Even people who are non-believers seem to think…

— Gaspar Noe

People just want to have a bit of fun, something uplifting, funny, that's got a melody to it. That's what we try…

— Michael Dapaah

“Oh, well, that's not bad, I suppose. I mean, I'd prefer devastatingly sophisticated - but almost endearing is more than I could…

— Jane Costello

ªTurnoff¬ when a female treat me like a I'm female...i was at da club in this female came up to me in…

— IG:catone_2_funny

It is so cool to think that there are two female, Indian actresses on prime-time American network television who are considered attractive…

— Hannah Simone

It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

— Navjot Singh Sidhu

I remember seeing McCoy Tyner in concert, and thinking that the music was incredible, but wanting to be invited in. I figured…

— John Lurie

“Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going…

— Leigh Bardugo

Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House?

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm staying in shape this winter by wearing enough layers to be constantly sweating.

— Anonymous

I am dating, but it is hard to find someone quick enough and funny enough. I am quite demanding.

— Anne Robinson

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

— Frank Carson

It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.

— Mark Twain

It is what a woman, leaves off, not what she puts on that gives her cachet

— Paul Poiret

I just sit ther and do what I vowed I would never do - talk back to the television.

— George H. W. Bush

I'm a woofer, not a tweeter; a writer, not a telegrapher; an essayist, not an aphorist.

— Richard Turner

This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic

— Anonymous

Live nutty. Just occasionally. Just once in a while. And see what happens. It brightens up the day.

— Leo Buscaglia

Money is not my business; my thinking is my business. I don't have any other business.

— Byron Katie

Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.

— Kenny Everett

I dont have any exs I have whys? Yeah why in the hell did I date you!!!?

— Anonymous

Dwarves are funny. Look at them scurrying away on their stumpy little legs.

— Anonymous

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

— Henny Youngman

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

— Steven Wright

Chodan chodan sab kare chod sake na koijab kabeera chodan lage lund khare na hoye

— Baba Burchodan Das

I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.

— George Harris

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.

— Ronald Reagan

Marry someone who can make you laugh in public and scream in bed.

— Anonymous

“I bought a zoo, which is funny, because I own the very place that should own me.”

— Jarod Kintz

We cannot control what others do to us, but through God we can control the way we respond to them.

— Joyce Meyer

Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.

— Anonymous

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

— Will Rogers