TM in the a.m. and the p.m…20 minutes in the bank, all day in the market place. — Maharishi Mahesh Yogi Copy Share Image
It is possible to have good manners and be funny at the same time. Ronnie Barker and I proved that. — Ronnie Corbett Copy Share Image
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
Women are like telephones; They like to be held and talked to, but if you push the wrong buttons you might get… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
If you are funny, people will like you. A lot of advertising is based on this simple rule. The Tory MP Boris… — Peter Hitchens Copy Share Image
Justin's new album is finally out.i'm so proud of him. he worked so hard. :') now I just gotta wait till my… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
People used to be funny about approaching me, but now they seem to think I'm as sane as anyone who's done what… — Philip Seymour Hoffman Copy Share Image
When my tweet doesn't get RTed I whisper I don't care what they say. I'm in love with you & kiss the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
How often could things be remedied by a word. How often is it left unspoken. — Norman Douglas Copy Share Image
There can be no doubt that all our knowledge begins with experience. — Immanuel Kant Copy Share Image
Thus I got into my bones the essential structure of the ordinary British sentence, which is a noble thing. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
Read the Word. Consume the Word until it consumes you. Believe the Word. Act on the Word. — Smith Wigglesworth Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :) Life: LOL, give me a second! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too. — Jimmy Durante Copy Share Image
Happiness is being retired and spending all of my kids' inheritance before I die! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“An educated theologian: someone who's better at rationalizing what they're pretending to know.” — Peter Boghossian Copy Share Image
How does one make a movie about decadence these days? Now that we're allowed to do it, it's too late. — Wilfrid Sheed Copy Share Image
Police have special ability from an ice. Whenever police say 'FREEZE!!' all people that they want will frozen — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Youth troubles over eternity, age grasps at a day and is satisfied to have even the day. — Dame Mary Gilmore Copy Share Image
