I'm not raising the children-I'm raising the grown-ups that they're going to be. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how you never know who you're going to share your life with. — Zal Batmanglij Copy Share Image
After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Everybody knows somebody who's Facebook relationship status should be 'Still banging my ex.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“When I introduced you to Mary Ann, I wanted to call you my girlfriend, Elli,” he looked up at her to see… — Toni Aleo Copy Share Image
I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at… — Janeane Garofalo Copy Share Image
Him:what does salope mean? me:look it up in a dictionary! him:ok…umm this doesn't make sense... me:let me see...OHHH SHIT..you we're looking at… — Spanky Pants Copy Share Image
Coach Blatt is very, very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you're at,… — Joe Harris Copy Share Image
It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest… — Denise Caruso Copy Share Image
“What did you get Feyre?' I slid my hands into my pockets. 'This and that.' 'So, nothing.' I dragged a hand through… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
It seems that boredom is one of the greatest discoveries of our time. If so, there's no question but that he must… — Luchino Visconti Copy Share Image
