Funny Quotes · Page 434

I never listen that you can't.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on.

— Henry Burton

God reveals Himself through surprises.

— Pope Francis

Who are the rabble and who are the ruled?

— Frank Herbert

To know and not do, is to not yet know.

— Confucius

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

— Yogi Berra

What you don't know will hurt you.

— Jim Rohn

I know something better is on the road for me.

— Maya Angelou

Share love. Share time. Share friendship. Just share. Put some love into everything you do.

— Yehuda Berg

You don't know that you're beautiful? Yeah, cause you're not!

— Rakii Retondo

That is truth. In that truth, there is real happiness. And there is nothing that could disturb that happiness.

— Radhanath Swami

“Being good has nothing to do with being a Boy !!. Better is the latter!”

— Nelson Jack

“We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

— Jack Whitehall

It's funny: I don't know if she babysat, but I spent time with Judy Blume when I was little.

— David Grann

Getting a blowjob with a condom on is like leaving your underwear on while taking a shit!

— Green Monk

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been…

— Mark Twain

When people think of me, I want them to think of a travel show host who's really funny and good at his…

— Zach Anner

Having sex with an ugly person is like bungee jumping, you know your gonna enjoy it but for f*cks sake just dont…

— Anonymous

“The most important quality in the man you decide to marry should be the ability to make you laugh. Beauty fades, careers…

— Shannon L. Alder

There has never been a time when you and I have not existed, nor will there be a time when we will…

— Bhagavad Gita

There's some moments in your life where you're just like, 'I need something just funny.' That's the noble thing you can do.…

— Jonathan Krisel

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have…

— Ernest Hemingway

I wonder if in an alternate reality there is a version of me who is slim, muscular, handsome, drives a nice car,…

— Flip

I have the curse of thinking funny!

— Adam West

Too much agreement kills a chat.

— Anonymous

Even God has been defended with nonsense.

— Walter Lippmann

It's better not to see than to see wrongly.

— Robert M. Pirsig

I dont eat anything on an airplane.

— Masaharu Morimoto

You either care or you don’t.

— Stanley Kubrick

If God is male, then the male is God.

— Mary Daly

“And turnips - endless ruptured turnips.”

— Merrie Haskell

The aster greets us as we pass With her faint smile.

— Sarah Helen Whitman

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.

— Anonymous

I'm not the master of the sax, George Garzone is.

— Michael Brecker

I'd very much like to be Ava Gardner. She IS sex.

— Barbara Parkins

Age is not the determining factor in health.

— Pete Egoscue

He's got to let go of you sometime.

— Stephenie Meyer

I am Alberto Del Rio, but you already knew that.

— Alberto Del Rio

I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been.

— David Letterman