Funny Quotes · Page 389

Don't tell me words don't matter,

— Deval Patrick

Lindy Hoppers never die - they just swing out.

— Frankie Manning

The flaw is the thing we love.

— Gail Caldwell

You're nobody 'til somebody kills you.

— The Notorious B.I.G

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

— Mark Twain

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Become more than what you were.

— Lee Labrada

A fetish is a story masquerading as an object.

— Robert Stoller

You either spend your life preparing or you spend your life repairing.

— John C. Maxwell

So... I was reading this Fascinating study. It shows that Men think about sex every tits seconds.

— Green Monk

I've always wanted to work with children, to help people, and to be funny.

— Kym Whitley

My wife always bring these injured animals to home. I think she should just stop driving.

— Nikhil Saluja

“Outrageous!" said Apalling. "Apalling!" said Outrageous.”

— Cuthbert Soup

I feel lazy. In fact, I'm feeling lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese_flag.

— Ismail Ibrahim

It is not just about the money, it is about what you achieve on the pitch

— Ronaldinho

I feel honoured to know Donghae Hyung, but when I'm with him, I feel like I'm more like the hyung.

— Cho Kyuhyun

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important…

— Nikhil Saluja

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as…

— David Letterman

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're…

— George Carlin

“A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I…

— Tim Vine

For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have…

— Tracy Morgan

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore…

— Douglas Adams

“how tall is it?" [The Harps] "according to the sagas, it links through time and space and keeps our world and your…

— Kathryn James

Dreaming is a philogenetically older mode of thought.

— Carl Jung

Esquire needs to be more like a mommy blog

— Vera Farmiga

To me, drink responsibly means don't spill it.

— Nikhil Saluja

You think you're a wit, and you're probably half right.

— Anonymous

If it's not tested, it's broken.

— Bruce Eckel

Whatever you love more than God is your idol.

— Dwight L. Moody

Things are only worth what you make them worth.

— Moliere

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

— Warren Buffett

There's no rule that everyone has to change.

— John Travolta

To go forward you have to leave something behind

— Steve Jobs

Americans are once again looking outward

— Dan Rather

Some things in life you just can't ride around

— Randolph Scott

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

— Addison Mizner

No far from it. Faaaaarrr from that.

— Manti Te'o

The less we know, the longer the explanation.

— BG

Discomfort is the call to set yourself free.

— Byron Katie