Deals work best when each side gets something it wants from the other. — Donald Trump Copy Share Image
I hate when ugly people say I need my beauty sleep. BITCH you need to hibernate. xD — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Monkey will be monkeys little monkeys but if you take their banana they going take yours — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
Your Starbucks order is directly proportional to how complicated your personality is. — Kevin Copy Share Image
I love my brothers' kids. It's funny - as an uncle, you become so protective of them. — Liam Hemsworth Copy Share Image
Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never invite them round to dinner. — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
Fast pitch softball is just as dangerous as baseball. The ball is bigger so you can see it better, but the size… — Sara Gilbert Copy Share Image
The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience. — Harold Lloyd Copy Share Image
Saying you'll wake up early to get something done, then when you wake up, convincing yourself it's not important.. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't believe in the kind of magic in my books. But I do believe something very magical can happen when you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but… — Lord Barnett Copy Share Image
I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
That moment when you hand someone ur phone to show themjust one picture & then they startscrolling through the rest without asking..NO. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
